You know what’s sad? When you can’t tell the difference between a Brooklyn hipster and a homeless person. I had a man with long blond hair and a big beard talk to me on the train platform about a month ago. He was carrying a dirty beat-up skateboard, had paint on his shirt, had dirty sneakers and wore no socks. Now, hippie painter or young homeless man? You decide.
Hipsters make me uneasy. Don’t even get me started about the L train…
Friday, December 10, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
My Men
You know those ads that pop up on the side of facebook? Well, there's one with a picture of Alan Rickman that always distracts me. I'm not sure what it's for. Maybe he's doing a play or a movie or something, but it's of his face so I'm ok with that. He's looking older but that's okay. He still makes my top 10. When I do my list of celebrity crushes, mostly all of them are over the age of 40. It's weird. Because that's not what I go for in real life. Maybe I should start cuz my taste in men so far has gotten me nowhere. Except, that now I know that it is possibly for an even MORE douchier guy to exist than the last one which is oddly comforting to know that the last mistake wasn't my greatest.
So, here's a list of my celebrity crushes. The super men. If only they were younger...or had sons...I'm gonna Wiki that. That's my new goal: find younger versions of my old man crushes who may or may not share the same DNA.
So, here's a list of my celebrity crushes. The super men. If only they were younger...or had sons...I'm gonna Wiki that. That's my new goal: find younger versions of my old man crushes who may or may not share the same DNA.
* Yes, I do know that at least one of them is gay.
** And no, I am not kidding about Charles Darwin.
** And no, I am not kidding about Charles Darwin.
*** And yes, 8/11 have an accent.
Friday, December 3, 2010
We All Have Our Own Problems...
I was out at a bar on Friday night and I met a couple of guys. They were nice and we started talking and we found out that they were comedians (not that funny, I think I was funnier). One of the guys was really nice and cute. And then he disclosed that he sees a therapist because he has A.D.D and takes Ritalin.
Um, TMI. That killed the interest instantly. Good for him that he's getting help and is comfortable enough to disclose it to perfect strangers, but I can't deal with that. We all have our problems. Baggage that we carry around all over town, but aside from the fact that our whole society has A.D.D. I can't deal with a diagnosed disorder. It's hard enough getting a "normal" man to concentrate on something but someone with diagnosed A.D.D? No chance.
As my friend would say.....NEXT!!!!!!!!
Um, TMI. That killed the interest instantly. Good for him that he's getting help and is comfortable enough to disclose it to perfect strangers, but I can't deal with that. We all have our problems. Baggage that we carry around all over town, but aside from the fact that our whole society has A.D.D. I can't deal with a diagnosed disorder. It's hard enough getting a "normal" man to concentrate on something but someone with diagnosed A.D.D? No chance.
As my friend would say.....NEXT!!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Personal Boundaries
I woke up this morning to an email that said the following. I thought it was a great way to start the day. A few people were given a quote and had to respond. There's some amazing things in here. I've read it about 5 times in order to fuse it into my brain. Happy thinking people.
(We dedicate this week's letter to Harriet DeHaven Cuddihy, whose old world elegance and impeccably irreverent humor, deep curiosity and optimism made her one of my true idols. Words cannot say how much we will miss her)
Boundaries
“As a woman who was raised in a society where it is implied that women should be agreeable and amenable, where speaking up for yourself can label you ‘difficult’, I personally have found it difficult to do that very thing. Why is it important to have personal boundaries and make sure they are not crossed? More importantly, how can we keep them while coming off strong and not strident?”
Monica Berg replies (Monica is a spiritual teacher, writer and guide who specializes in assisting people as they identify and overcome life’s challenges so they can reach their greatest potential):
These are great questions, and we can best answer them by zeroing in on the first issue you raise, the inhibiting effect that society & upbringing have on our spirit, and consequently how we feel about ourselves and what we deserve.
Women are, by nature, caregivers. We have a great capacity for compassion and mercy, and as young girls we are brought up to nurture and take care of others. Most of us learn to become excellent multi-taskers. But at some point we get the message—sadly enough from our own parents or peers—that we need to excel at everything—and we’re expected to keep it all in perfect balance.
This creates a total impossibility. We become afraid to act because we are afraid to fail. And that’s why so many of us are trapped in prisons made up of beliefs such as, “I can’t disappoint my family,” or “I mustn’t speak up because I will be labeled as “difficult,” or “I have to be perfect all the time.”
I loathe this word: perfect. Mostly, because I tried to be this person most of my young adult life. Unfortunately, this unconscious image of perfection is totally at odds with what our soul wants—to be free, to make mistakes & grow stronger through life experiences, and to express itself fully.
It’s important we see how our seeking for approval gets in our own way. Once we become more aware, it’s then important to set a mandate by which we can live, a certain line that we draw, a set of rules to place for ourselves.
I spent the first 28 years of my life turned too “outward.” And because of this, I didn’t fully express myself out of fear of rocking the boat. It wasn’t until I got more in touch with my “inner” aspect that I became conscious of how I was handicapping myself, and more comfortable expressing the power I possess.
This meant getting to know the motivations that drive me each day, the intentions behind my actions and what my purpose is each morning. And perhaps, most important, holding the belief that I deserve to have good things come my way.
That, we all deserve to experience true love and simple happiness in this lifetime.
When our core beliefs are clear, we find that we no longer worry about coming off “too strong.” In fact, we often become aggressive or act in ways not in our integrity because we react to things and people that we find threatening.
Our beliefs are only threatened when we don’t know what they are.
In addition, in order to create clear boundaries and feel comfortable with who we are, we need to have compassion for ourselves. If we cannot give & be kind to ourselves, we can never love ourselves enough to believe we deserve to be unconditionally loved, truly heard & treated with human dignity.The result of not creating this compassion for ourselves will be that we don’t think we deserve enough of anything. We’ll have no voice to protest when someone is taking from us more than we want to give, making us feel less than enough, or simply making us uncomfortable with who we are.
If we don’t believe we deserve, simply because we exist, then we cannot and will not demand anything from others.
When we believe that we deserve then what is at stake of being lost is so clear and therefore takes precedence. Putting ourselves first isn't selfish but a necessary step in our life's growth. When we have appreciation for ourselves, others will too. Because we teach people how to treat us.
An important distinction I want to make is I’m not saying be self-centered, but rather become self-aware and strengthen the soul aspect within, and build strength on that foundation. When you do, questions like, “How do I know when I am giving too much?” will be replaced with, “Am I tending to my deepest needs?” You will find this balance—and the best version of yourself—when you know who you are, let yourself be seen and believe that you are enough.
This is a favorite aphorism of mine that gives me a lot of inspiration. I trust it will move you too:
"Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind."
-Dr. Seuss
Cynthia Bourgeault replies (Cynthia is an Episcopal priest, writer and retreat leader. She is founding director of the Aspen Wisdom School in Colorado and principal visiting teacher for the Contemplative Society in Victoria, BC, Canada:
It’s not about boundaries, it’s about integrity. And integrity is the fruit of being deeply rooted in oneself. I’ve never been a great fan of strong personal boundaries because they’re too brittle, but the alternative to strong personal boundaries is not co-dependency or being walked all over for the sake of some superficial harmony. There’s another way, a better way: strong TRANSpersonal boundaries. This means being so deeply rooted in your essence and your inner honesty that falsehood is not an option. People with that kind of flexible inner strength generally don’t get messed with and can assert their integrity in a situation without the need for confrontation or shows of power.
This is quite a different lesson from what our culture teaches us! We ALL come onto this planet 100% perfect in our essential being. But during the course of our “education” (aka, acculturation), most of us gradually lose touch with who we really are inside and develop external egoic facades which are tremendously dependent on external confirmation and tremendously threatened by either invasion or rejection. That’s the reason for the dilemma in the first place; a person who had never lost touch with the vastness of their innermost self would probably not get into this jam to begin with!. I wouldn’t worry about being labeled “difficult;” I’d worry more about passing through life without ever having tasted who I really am, and how my inner core expresses itself.
Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel replies (Elizabeth is the author of the book, “The Power of an Open Question” (Shambhala Publications):
When I first read this question it sounded so 1950’s … do we as women still feel this way—the need to please? But then I remembered something that happened some years back … and I thought, “Oh right, I get this!”
Many years ago, in a work-related incident, a man crossed a verbal and physical boundary with me. There were many people around—mostly women. And yet, there was a sort of atmospheric understanding that everyone was expected to be “agreeable and amenable” with this man. He was important in this context. So when he crossed this boundary, everyone was stunned and wondering what was going to happen.
The situation stunned me too—it threw me off guard. I never thought of myself as timid … and yet I didn’t say anything. The fact that I didn’t respond disturbed me more than the man’s words or actions. Why did I hesitate? For some days this became a puzzle for me.
When we ask, “Why is it important to have personal boundaries and make sure they are not crossed?” it is perhaps because we want to have a healthy and sane relationship with our world. How do we create avenues for relationships that support ourselves and others and the work we engage in together?
Boundaries can support us. I remember my son once said, in a moment of feeling overwhelmed by his own wildness: “Mom, I think I need some boundaries right now.” I understood that if I helped him focus on a task it would help him calm down and connect with what he already recognized as a state of well-being. It helps us to understand how structure can serve us in this way.
At the same time, boundaries can also be divisive and isolating. We often put up boundaries when we just don’t want to “deal.” When we cut off others to protect ourselves we usually react with a little aggression. This often has consequences. We can sever opportunities and even friendships. Furthermore, we fail to see that we have the resources to bring clarity to a situation where clarity is badly needed.
So what I realized, in responding to my challenge, was that I wanted to work with this situation in a way that created clarity for all. I asked myself, “What will serve everyone involved here?” With this intention I could confront this man without aggression. Because I didn’t blame him, I didn’t have to feel like a victim myself—which was empowering.
Because of this shift in attitude I found a way of communicating with this man that was not harsh or “strident.” This naturally created a completely different tone in our conversation; a different tone of voice, of speech, a different tone in presence and body language, and therefore a different overall tone in the environment. Because he didn’t feel attacked, this man (to his benefit) could self-reflect. When I asked him for more formality in the relationship—he agreed.
I have found in my experience that when I have had the wherewithal to step back and ask myself, “what serves” rather than simply reacting to a situation, I find creative and surprising ways of responding to life. It is emboldening and important for us as women (and human beings in general) to find inventive ways to respond skillfully to people and situations. This is where we find true strength, compassion and clarity. In this way everyone benefits.
Dr. Karen Binder-Byrnes replies (Dr. Binder-Brynes is a leading psychologist with a private practice in New York City for the past 15 years.):
The first thing I did before sitting down to write this answer was to find a definition for the word, strident. Wordnetweb.princeton.edu includes in their definition of strident such descriptions as: conspicuously and offensively loud, given to vehement outcry, raucous, unpleasantly loud and brash. In addition: shrill, grating and obnoxious. So, was the question really how can women be strong and assertive and not be labeled with these negative traits? Next, I found myself talking to friends about their thoughts on the topic. They all agreed that even in this progressive era, women still have to walk the fine line between being strong and powerful without being labeled “the bitch.”
Why then are we still grappling with the fear of being seen as strident when we are being strong, assertive and powerful in our lives? I went on to scan the Internet to see what was being written about women and assertiveness. One article on how to be more assertive for women contained all the usual tips, but the final line is what got me. "A final word of advice, too much assertiveness can be mistaken for rude, crass and possible disrespectful behavior. Find the middle ground before asserting your newfound confidence." In essence, even when you need to be assertive, dim your lights!
As I think back on over twenty years of being a psychotherapist, I have helped many female patients struggle with the issue of finding their voices, first in their family of origin, then in their intimate relationships and, ultimately, in the workplace and society. From their earliest years, girls in most of the world’s societies are socialized to quiet their voices and maximize their femininity so as not to appear socially unacceptable.
This all being said, what is the answer? How can women assert themselves and their needs without being labeled “strident?” Unfortunately, I do not believe there is one simple solution. What I do know is that women have to continue to take initiative in getting their voices heard and forming and expressing their views without being paralyzed by fears of disapproval and judgment. Women do not have to give up their femininity to compete with each other, or with men. Coming to grips with this issue is most likely a learning process for all women from their earliest days on up through their later adult lives. As women we must hold on to radical hope that we will continue to evolve out of our fear of being judged so that our voices, even the loudest ones will be heard and not dismissed!
(We dedicate this week's letter to Harriet DeHaven Cuddihy, whose old world elegance and impeccably irreverent humor, deep curiosity and optimism made her one of my true idols. Words cannot say how much we will miss her)
Boundaries
“As a woman who was raised in a society where it is implied that women should be agreeable and amenable, where speaking up for yourself can label you ‘difficult’, I personally have found it difficult to do that very thing. Why is it important to have personal boundaries and make sure they are not crossed? More importantly, how can we keep them while coming off strong and not strident?”
Monica Berg replies (Monica is a spiritual teacher, writer and guide who specializes in assisting people as they identify and overcome life’s challenges so they can reach their greatest potential):
These are great questions, and we can best answer them by zeroing in on the first issue you raise, the inhibiting effect that society & upbringing have on our spirit, and consequently how we feel about ourselves and what we deserve.
Women are, by nature, caregivers. We have a great capacity for compassion and mercy, and as young girls we are brought up to nurture and take care of others. Most of us learn to become excellent multi-taskers. But at some point we get the message—sadly enough from our own parents or peers—that we need to excel at everything—and we’re expected to keep it all in perfect balance.
This creates a total impossibility. We become afraid to act because we are afraid to fail. And that’s why so many of us are trapped in prisons made up of beliefs such as, “I can’t disappoint my family,” or “I mustn’t speak up because I will be labeled as “difficult,” or “I have to be perfect all the time.”
I loathe this word: perfect. Mostly, because I tried to be this person most of my young adult life. Unfortunately, this unconscious image of perfection is totally at odds with what our soul wants—to be free, to make mistakes & grow stronger through life experiences, and to express itself fully.
It’s important we see how our seeking for approval gets in our own way. Once we become more aware, it’s then important to set a mandate by which we can live, a certain line that we draw, a set of rules to place for ourselves.
I spent the first 28 years of my life turned too “outward.” And because of this, I didn’t fully express myself out of fear of rocking the boat. It wasn’t until I got more in touch with my “inner” aspect that I became conscious of how I was handicapping myself, and more comfortable expressing the power I possess.
This meant getting to know the motivations that drive me each day, the intentions behind my actions and what my purpose is each morning. And perhaps, most important, holding the belief that I deserve to have good things come my way.
That, we all deserve to experience true love and simple happiness in this lifetime.
When our core beliefs are clear, we find that we no longer worry about coming off “too strong.” In fact, we often become aggressive or act in ways not in our integrity because we react to things and people that we find threatening.
Our beliefs are only threatened when we don’t know what they are.
In addition, in order to create clear boundaries and feel comfortable with who we are, we need to have compassion for ourselves. If we cannot give & be kind to ourselves, we can never love ourselves enough to believe we deserve to be unconditionally loved, truly heard & treated with human dignity.The result of not creating this compassion for ourselves will be that we don’t think we deserve enough of anything. We’ll have no voice to protest when someone is taking from us more than we want to give, making us feel less than enough, or simply making us uncomfortable with who we are.
If we don’t believe we deserve, simply because we exist, then we cannot and will not demand anything from others.
When we believe that we deserve then what is at stake of being lost is so clear and therefore takes precedence. Putting ourselves first isn't selfish but a necessary step in our life's growth. When we have appreciation for ourselves, others will too. Because we teach people how to treat us.
An important distinction I want to make is I’m not saying be self-centered, but rather become self-aware and strengthen the soul aspect within, and build strength on that foundation. When you do, questions like, “How do I know when I am giving too much?” will be replaced with, “Am I tending to my deepest needs?” You will find this balance—and the best version of yourself—when you know who you are, let yourself be seen and believe that you are enough.
This is a favorite aphorism of mine that gives me a lot of inspiration. I trust it will move you too:
"Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind."
-Dr. Seuss
Cynthia Bourgeault replies (Cynthia is an Episcopal priest, writer and retreat leader. She is founding director of the Aspen Wisdom School in Colorado and principal visiting teacher for the Contemplative Society in Victoria, BC, Canada:
It’s not about boundaries, it’s about integrity. And integrity is the fruit of being deeply rooted in oneself. I’ve never been a great fan of strong personal boundaries because they’re too brittle, but the alternative to strong personal boundaries is not co-dependency or being walked all over for the sake of some superficial harmony. There’s another way, a better way: strong TRANSpersonal boundaries. This means being so deeply rooted in your essence and your inner honesty that falsehood is not an option. People with that kind of flexible inner strength generally don’t get messed with and can assert their integrity in a situation without the need for confrontation or shows of power.
This is quite a different lesson from what our culture teaches us! We ALL come onto this planet 100% perfect in our essential being. But during the course of our “education” (aka, acculturation), most of us gradually lose touch with who we really are inside and develop external egoic facades which are tremendously dependent on external confirmation and tremendously threatened by either invasion or rejection. That’s the reason for the dilemma in the first place; a person who had never lost touch with the vastness of their innermost self would probably not get into this jam to begin with!. I wouldn’t worry about being labeled “difficult;” I’d worry more about passing through life without ever having tasted who I really am, and how my inner core expresses itself.
Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel replies (Elizabeth is the author of the book, “The Power of an Open Question” (Shambhala Publications):
When I first read this question it sounded so 1950’s … do we as women still feel this way—the need to please? But then I remembered something that happened some years back … and I thought, “Oh right, I get this!”
Many years ago, in a work-related incident, a man crossed a verbal and physical boundary with me. There were many people around—mostly women. And yet, there was a sort of atmospheric understanding that everyone was expected to be “agreeable and amenable” with this man. He was important in this context. So when he crossed this boundary, everyone was stunned and wondering what was going to happen.
The situation stunned me too—it threw me off guard. I never thought of myself as timid … and yet I didn’t say anything. The fact that I didn’t respond disturbed me more than the man’s words or actions. Why did I hesitate? For some days this became a puzzle for me.
When we ask, “Why is it important to have personal boundaries and make sure they are not crossed?” it is perhaps because we want to have a healthy and sane relationship with our world. How do we create avenues for relationships that support ourselves and others and the work we engage in together?
Boundaries can support us. I remember my son once said, in a moment of feeling overwhelmed by his own wildness: “Mom, I think I need some boundaries right now.” I understood that if I helped him focus on a task it would help him calm down and connect with what he already recognized as a state of well-being. It helps us to understand how structure can serve us in this way.
At the same time, boundaries can also be divisive and isolating. We often put up boundaries when we just don’t want to “deal.” When we cut off others to protect ourselves we usually react with a little aggression. This often has consequences. We can sever opportunities and even friendships. Furthermore, we fail to see that we have the resources to bring clarity to a situation where clarity is badly needed.
So what I realized, in responding to my challenge, was that I wanted to work with this situation in a way that created clarity for all. I asked myself, “What will serve everyone involved here?” With this intention I could confront this man without aggression. Because I didn’t blame him, I didn’t have to feel like a victim myself—which was empowering.
Because of this shift in attitude I found a way of communicating with this man that was not harsh or “strident.” This naturally created a completely different tone in our conversation; a different tone of voice, of speech, a different tone in presence and body language, and therefore a different overall tone in the environment. Because he didn’t feel attacked, this man (to his benefit) could self-reflect. When I asked him for more formality in the relationship—he agreed.
I have found in my experience that when I have had the wherewithal to step back and ask myself, “what serves” rather than simply reacting to a situation, I find creative and surprising ways of responding to life. It is emboldening and important for us as women (and human beings in general) to find inventive ways to respond skillfully to people and situations. This is where we find true strength, compassion and clarity. In this way everyone benefits.
Dr. Karen Binder-Byrnes replies (Dr. Binder-Brynes is a leading psychologist with a private practice in New York City for the past 15 years.):
The first thing I did before sitting down to write this answer was to find a definition for the word, strident. Wordnetweb.princeton.edu includes in their definition of strident such descriptions as: conspicuously and offensively loud, given to vehement outcry, raucous, unpleasantly loud and brash. In addition: shrill, grating and obnoxious. So, was the question really how can women be strong and assertive and not be labeled with these negative traits? Next, I found myself talking to friends about their thoughts on the topic. They all agreed that even in this progressive era, women still have to walk the fine line between being strong and powerful without being labeled “the bitch.”
Why then are we still grappling with the fear of being seen as strident when we are being strong, assertive and powerful in our lives? I went on to scan the Internet to see what was being written about women and assertiveness. One article on how to be more assertive for women contained all the usual tips, but the final line is what got me. "A final word of advice, too much assertiveness can be mistaken for rude, crass and possible disrespectful behavior. Find the middle ground before asserting your newfound confidence." In essence, even when you need to be assertive, dim your lights!
As I think back on over twenty years of being a psychotherapist, I have helped many female patients struggle with the issue of finding their voices, first in their family of origin, then in their intimate relationships and, ultimately, in the workplace and society. From their earliest years, girls in most of the world’s societies are socialized to quiet their voices and maximize their femininity so as not to appear socially unacceptable.
This all being said, what is the answer? How can women assert themselves and their needs without being labeled “strident?” Unfortunately, I do not believe there is one simple solution. What I do know is that women have to continue to take initiative in getting their voices heard and forming and expressing their views without being paralyzed by fears of disapproval and judgment. Women do not have to give up their femininity to compete with each other, or with men. Coming to grips with this issue is most likely a learning process for all women from their earliest days on up through their later adult lives. As women we must hold on to radical hope that we will continue to evolve out of our fear of being judged so that our voices, even the loudest ones will be heard and not dismissed!
Monday, November 29, 2010
BABIES!!!
I was going through my notebook and I found this:
At the end of August, I went to Pennsylvania to visit my godson and his new baby brother. I spent a few days surrounded by babies and dogs from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep. I’ve always loved babies—who the hell doesn’t love babies?! Our next door neighbor had a 1 year old grandson who I used to go play with. My sister and I were around 8 and 6. Instead of playing tag or playing with barbies or fighting, we were going next door and entertaining a toddler. When I was 10 years old, my brother was born. I loved taking care of him. I was his second mother. He was our little doll we could throw around. I was always the little mommy…I still am. I always make sure everyone gets home okay and that no one’s falling down drunk or doing things they’ll regret in the morning….it’s exhausting. But I love it.
Anyway, so I was surrounded by babies for a few days and decided to make a pro/con list for babies. This is what I came up with:
PRO
they’re simple. They want to be clean, fed, clothed, and paid some attention to.
They’re constantly learning. The ability to shape these little beings into functioning members of society has to be the best challenge of a person’s life. The most difficult, but rewarding nonetheless.
They’re funny. They do the funniest things without even trying. They have no agenda. They just exist.
Having a baby fall asleep on your shoulder is one of the best things ever—I literally could sit there all day like that.
Even better….witnessing a baby laugh in their sleep while in your arms—magical
They love you without any judgment
Their smell
CON
You are never alone. Ever. Again.
Your plans revolve around the routine of a little slobbering alien. Forever.
Tantrums.
The cost of diapers, formula, extra food, toys, clothes, shoes, etc….
Having to hold a screaming baby in your arms for 45 minutes and not being able to console them because they’re getting new teeth is the worst thing in the world—mostly because it’s not their fault and you can’t do anything to alleviate their pain
Crumbs, food, toy pieces in every crevice and on every floor
Their smell…..when they poop or spit up.
Even though I’ve welcomed the thought of having a baby for most of my life, I don’t think I want one right this second. I’m not fully shaped and developed into the best person I could be and it’s unfair to bring someone into this world when you couldn’t possibly give them your full attention and focus. How can you expect to create an exceptional human being when you, yourself, are not the best person you could be?
I like staying up all night, waking when I want, not having to cook all day, and not have to take care of someone else. The day is coming when I’ll be ready, but it’s not anytime in the near future.
At the end of August, I went to Pennsylvania to visit my godson and his new baby brother. I spent a few days surrounded by babies and dogs from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep. I’ve always loved babies—who the hell doesn’t love babies?! Our next door neighbor had a 1 year old grandson who I used to go play with. My sister and I were around 8 and 6. Instead of playing tag or playing with barbies or fighting, we were going next door and entertaining a toddler. When I was 10 years old, my brother was born. I loved taking care of him. I was his second mother. He was our little doll we could throw around. I was always the little mommy…I still am. I always make sure everyone gets home okay and that no one’s falling down drunk or doing things they’ll regret in the morning….it’s exhausting. But I love it.
Anyway, so I was surrounded by babies for a few days and decided to make a pro/con list for babies. This is what I came up with:
PRO
they’re simple. They want to be clean, fed, clothed, and paid some attention to.
They’re constantly learning. The ability to shape these little beings into functioning members of society has to be the best challenge of a person’s life. The most difficult, but rewarding nonetheless.
They’re funny. They do the funniest things without even trying. They have no agenda. They just exist.
Having a baby fall asleep on your shoulder is one of the best things ever—I literally could sit there all day like that.
Even better….witnessing a baby laugh in their sleep while in your arms—magical
They love you without any judgment
Their smell
CON
You are never alone. Ever. Again.
Your plans revolve around the routine of a little slobbering alien. Forever.
Tantrums.
The cost of diapers, formula, extra food, toys, clothes, shoes, etc….
Having to hold a screaming baby in your arms for 45 minutes and not being able to console them because they’re getting new teeth is the worst thing in the world—mostly because it’s not their fault and you can’t do anything to alleviate their pain
Crumbs, food, toy pieces in every crevice and on every floor
Their smell…..when they poop or spit up.
Even though I’ve welcomed the thought of having a baby for most of my life, I don’t think I want one right this second. I’m not fully shaped and developed into the best person I could be and it’s unfair to bring someone into this world when you couldn’t possibly give them your full attention and focus. How can you expect to create an exceptional human being when you, yourself, are not the best person you could be?
I like staying up all night, waking when I want, not having to cook all day, and not have to take care of someone else. The day is coming when I’ll be ready, but it’s not anytime in the near future.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Can I Be 12 Again?
So, I have a bunch of old cartoons in my Netflix queue in an attempt to relive my youth. Today I woke up and decided to watch The Super Mario Bros Super Show. It was everything I imagined it to be. Late 80’s/Early 90’s tackiness mixed in with an endearing innocence. Times were so simple back then. Watching it now, it’s nostalgic, but the experience feels tainted in some way—contaminated by life. The innocence and simplicity that was experienced almost 20 years ago is gone, and instead, is replaced by a jadedness acquired by life. I sometimes wish I didn’t know the things I know or never experienced the things that have happened. I feel tainted—different. I can literally see myself back then. I can see me as I watched G.I. Joe and Sonic The Hedgehog before school in the morning in my uniform. I can remember the walk to the corner to get to the bus. I can remember Mike the bus driver. I can remember looking out the window at the sky as the sun slowly lit it up and wondering why the kid two blocks away was taking so long to get out of his house and onto the bus.
It seems like such a long time ago though. Like we saw it in a movie. Because since then, there have been so many things that have happened that it’s a wonder we can remember anything at all from two decades ago. Our biggest concern was getting home in time to watch afternoon cartoons and if our parents would let us have ice cream before dinner. I wish those innocent times lasted longer, or that we realized that we should’ve milked them for everything we could get. I don’t know about you, but I was in such a rush to grow up. I sometimes feel like I was born at 30 years old. Thank god I’m not as uptight as I used to be….true story. Ask my sister.
It seems like such a long time ago though. Like we saw it in a movie. Because since then, there have been so many things that have happened that it’s a wonder we can remember anything at all from two decades ago. Our biggest concern was getting home in time to watch afternoon cartoons and if our parents would let us have ice cream before dinner. I wish those innocent times lasted longer, or that we realized that we should’ve milked them for everything we could get. I don’t know about you, but I was in such a rush to grow up. I sometimes feel like I was born at 30 years old. Thank god I’m not as uptight as I used to be….true story. Ask my sister.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
I Think I'm Officially An Adult Now
So, I went out to our usual dance spot last night and realized that A. it was lame, B. people are ridiculous, and C. I much rather would've preferred to be at home in my pajamas and in bed. Now, don't get me wrong, it's fun to go out to these kinds of places once in a while because sometimes, when everything falls into place, it could be the greatest night of your life. Sometimes you have a big group and everyone is just in the mood to go crazy and you meet some really fun people and stay out until 4am without even realizing it. Those nights are great....but far and few between.
I don't know if it was because I had a long and stressful week, or lacked sleep, but no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't get into it. By 1am I thought, "what's the point of staying up when I could be sleeping?" Why do I want to stand around and waste money on alcohol and get hit on by guys from Long Island/Staten Island who I have no interest in? It seems like a giant waste of time, money and energy even though it makes for good stories later on.
I also can't drink as much as I used to, or really WANT to drink as much as I used to. That feeling of being out of control or wanting to throw up or feeling like shit for the next 36 hours has no appeal anymore. It still happens every once in a while but I'm more conscious of how much I drink and when I'm getting to the point where I'm going to need to recover for the next 2 days. I don't like that feeling.
I would rather stay at home and watch TV or play board games. I don't want to do it everyday, but I'm okay with partaking in those activities most of the time. It's even better when you have good company who enjoy those things as well. I think I finally understand what my older friends have been talking about. They always complain that they can't stay out late anymore, or drink as much as they used to or tell me about how they fall asleep on the couch at 8pm. I think I get it. Cuz one day you realize, that you need to do things that are meaningful and stop wasting time with things that have no real importance. Because playing ConnectFour on a Saturday night the weekend of Halloween can probably provide you with better memories than pushing your way through a crowded bar to get to the dance floor can.
I don't know if it was because I had a long and stressful week, or lacked sleep, but no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't get into it. By 1am I thought, "what's the point of staying up when I could be sleeping?" Why do I want to stand around and waste money on alcohol and get hit on by guys from Long Island/Staten Island who I have no interest in? It seems like a giant waste of time, money and energy even though it makes for good stories later on.
I also can't drink as much as I used to, or really WANT to drink as much as I used to. That feeling of being out of control or wanting to throw up or feeling like shit for the next 36 hours has no appeal anymore. It still happens every once in a while but I'm more conscious of how much I drink and when I'm getting to the point where I'm going to need to recover for the next 2 days. I don't like that feeling.
I would rather stay at home and watch TV or play board games. I don't want to do it everyday, but I'm okay with partaking in those activities most of the time. It's even better when you have good company who enjoy those things as well. I think I finally understand what my older friends have been talking about. They always complain that they can't stay out late anymore, or drink as much as they used to or tell me about how they fall asleep on the couch at 8pm. I think I get it. Cuz one day you realize, that you need to do things that are meaningful and stop wasting time with things that have no real importance. Because playing ConnectFour on a Saturday night the weekend of Halloween can probably provide you with better memories than pushing your way through a crowded bar to get to the dance floor can.
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