When I was 17 years old I was sent to travel to Montreal with my sister. This was the first time we traveled alone without adults. We took the Greyhound and 8 hours later at 10pm we finally made it to the border. We all got off the bus and went to show our documents to border patrol. When we got to the counter the nice French-Canadian officer lady asked us in her accent where we were going, who we were seeing and how long we were staying. Then she asked if we had the letter from our parents giving us permission to cross the border. Insert tire screech. No one told us that had to be done. She said it was fine and we could just call my mother. So, I dialed and she took the phone.
Border patrol: (with Celine Dion accent) Good evening Madame. This is border patrol. I have Natasha and Maria here with me. We just need permission from you to allow them to cross the border.
My mother: yeah, right. Haha. You guys are so funny. Border patrol!
Border patrol: No, really ma’am. This is border patrol.
My mother: haha. Yeah, whatever they did just lock them up.
When I realized that my mother thought it was a joke I turned to my sister and said “Oh. My. God. She doesn’t believe her. She’s gonna land us in border prison”.
Finally after a few back and forths (and I think I may have gotten on the phone in the middle of it) she finally believed us and all was good. Another historical (and hysterical) oops moment in my life.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Who Said It Part 3!!!!!!!!!!
The third installment of Who Said It!!! Where we document the ridiculous, the profound, and the inappropriate.
Person 1: Lady bugs. They eat aphids.
Person 2: What? They eat atheists?!
Person 1: Watch! There are balls on your back!
Person 2: Ugh, I don’t like balls on my back!
Random person in park to picnic group: Is anyone Jewish?
Person 2: No….sorry?
Person 1: That’s the Eye of Horus.
Person 2: Why did you get that? Cuz you’re a whore-us?
Person 1: Can you put your thing in?
Person 2: I will NOT have sex with women!!!!
I’m from the southern Baptist church of CRAZY!!!
I bring something to the relationship…I bring….THIS (‘this’ being said while the person glides their own hands down their body)
Where did she find him? On iwannalosemylicense.net?
Is it fleet week or is there just seamen all over the streets?
You kinda had to be there as we were chiseling at her vagina.
Hot. I want THAT jiggle all over me.
I told this teacher we should touch the kids…and rub honey on them!
Person 1: you know, the kid who was in the coma.
Person 2: he still had an erection though….whoa! That was wrong. Even for me!
I want you to draw with your nipples.
It’s like we’re walking through the raindrops…you know, dodging them.
Person 1: I don’t wanna go up there! (pointing to the steep trail on a mountain)
Person 2: yes you do. If you want to leave…and live.
That’s why I don’t have a lot of friends…I’m always afraid I’ll eat them.
Ever stare into the darkness of your life and wonder what could be?
Sometimes I wanna stab you in the eye with a straw.
You blow myself away!
I’m kind of a big deal. If you google me, there’s shit there.
Seriously…it’s not that serious.
Cuz your legs are always open!! (look of horror upon their face) Excuse me, I’m drunk.
Look, that’s what you need (pointing to a lady holding planks of wood) wood.
My mom has been trying to lip kiss me…and she finally got me the other day!
Person 1: Why do you want to marry me? I’m crazy!
Person 2: Don’t question it.
Person 1: The first thing I’m gonna do when I get settled is take a bubble bath and take pictures of myself…with a bottle of Jameson!
Person 2: You’re just class, class, class all the way.
Person 1: Yeah, I know…..how come no one wants to date me?!
Person 1: what is this band? Everything but the goose?
Person 2: um, Minus The Bear….but close.
Person 1: you suck.
Person 2: yeah, you’d think I’d get paid for sucking so much.
You don’t like when it squirts in your mouth when you bite it?
Stay tuned for installment 4…..
Person 1: Lady bugs. They eat aphids.
Person 2: What? They eat atheists?!
Person 1: Watch! There are balls on your back!
Person 2: Ugh, I don’t like balls on my back!
Random person in park to picnic group: Is anyone Jewish?
Person 2: No….sorry?
Person 1: That’s the Eye of Horus.
Person 2: Why did you get that? Cuz you’re a whore-us?
Person 1: Can you put your thing in?
Person 2: I will NOT have sex with women!!!!
I’m from the southern Baptist church of CRAZY!!!
I bring something to the relationship…I bring….THIS (‘this’ being said while the person glides their own hands down their body)
Where did she find him? On iwannalosemylicense.net?
Is it fleet week or is there just seamen all over the streets?
You kinda had to be there as we were chiseling at her vagina.
Hot. I want THAT jiggle all over me.
I told this teacher we should touch the kids…and rub honey on them!
Person 1: you know, the kid who was in the coma.
Person 2: he still had an erection though….whoa! That was wrong. Even for me!
I want you to draw with your nipples.
It’s like we’re walking through the raindrops…you know, dodging them.
Person 1: I don’t wanna go up there! (pointing to the steep trail on a mountain)
Person 2: yes you do. If you want to leave…and live.
That’s why I don’t have a lot of friends…I’m always afraid I’ll eat them.
Ever stare into the darkness of your life and wonder what could be?
Sometimes I wanna stab you in the eye with a straw.
You blow myself away!
I’m kind of a big deal. If you google me, there’s shit there.
Seriously…it’s not that serious.
Cuz your legs are always open!! (look of horror upon their face) Excuse me, I’m drunk.
Look, that’s what you need (pointing to a lady holding planks of wood) wood.
My mom has been trying to lip kiss me…and she finally got me the other day!
Person 1: Why do you want to marry me? I’m crazy!
Person 2: Don’t question it.
Person 1: The first thing I’m gonna do when I get settled is take a bubble bath and take pictures of myself…with a bottle of Jameson!
Person 2: You’re just class, class, class all the way.
Person 1: Yeah, I know…..how come no one wants to date me?!
Person 1: what is this band? Everything but the goose?
Person 2: um, Minus The Bear….but close.
Person 1: you suck.
Person 2: yeah, you’d think I’d get paid for sucking so much.
You don’t like when it squirts in your mouth when you bite it?
Stay tuned for installment 4…..
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Thigh Tattoos
I’m not sure of my stance on thigh tattoos. Done right, they’re sexy. Done wrong, trashy. They are intriguing though. I mean, it’s not an ankle or shoulder (so typical, especially for a girl). It’s stationed at the front of your body. People will see it coming. In dresses, skirts, shorts—it’s gonna be visible. I’m all about symmetry and balance. I feel like if it’s on one thigh it’s got to be on both. You just look uneven. And no one likes an uneven gal.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Music
The following post is the first thing I ever wrote for this blog. I was waiting for my flight from LA to NY and had just spent the last few days with my cousin surrounded by music and musical people. On April 3, 2010, I was inspired:
I love music. That’s a fact. A declaration. And an affirmation. I didn’t realize just how much until recently. I didn’t realize that I do the same thing now as I did when I was 12 years old. From the second that I rose from bed until the moment I shut the light to sleep there was music. Now, I walk home with my ipod, unlock the door to my apartment, put away my ipod (who I affectionately named Stinky) and turn on itunes. It plays until I go to bed. I used to lock myself in my room and listen to music for hours. I knew all the songs, all the words. I didn’t realize that that love was stronger than some other things I thought I loved at the time.
It makes everything better. I love how music can make you remember a person, a moment in time, a whole event or even a feeling. We listen to music according to our moods. Sometimes we use it to try to change our mood. Sometimes we use it to make us feel what and how we’re feeling at that moment even more intensely. I love how I can remember where I was, what I was wearing, and how I was feeling just by hearing a song. Whether good or bad. It’s a memory. It makes us and shapes us. Music is a major part of life whether we actively realize it or not.
Cut to August 26, 2010 when I won a spot to go to a live taping of Grace Potter And The Nocturnals. I discovered her in June and have not stopped listening to her since. I've been dying to see her live but they never come to NY. She is the person I wish I could be because, frankly, she's a badass rocker. I was inspired to write this:
I got goose bumps the second they began playing and it didn’t subside until I was down the block and could no longer hear the music. My whole body tingled from my feet to my fingertips. I kept telling myself that I had to remember that feeling. I want to feel that every second of my life. There’s a point at the end of ‘Tiny Light' where the whole band just rocks out. Hair flying and fingers moving so fast that you can barely make out that they actually belong to an arm—overall awesomeness. It builds and builds until there’s a tiny explosion at the end.
I felt the beat of the drum in time with every beat of my heart. Every time he hit it, my insides tingled. The drum WAS my heart beat at that moment. At the same time, the guitarist was emitting riffs that rolled over my body, crashing into me like a wave. You know, that wave that doesn’t knock you down but washes over you and makes you feel as one with the ocean. There was such a build up as all the instruments were going that I didn’t know whether I wanted to scream in ecstasy or burst into tears. I've never felt that before. I’ve been in awe of individual musicians before—the ones where you don’t realize that you haven’t blinked or closed your mouth in the last two minutes because they exude so much awesomeness.
That happens with one of my favorite NYC bands-Audio Fiction. The guitarist leaves me standing with my mouth open every time he shreds his guitar with a solo. “Dead To Me” is one of my favorite songs ever---largely because I get goose bumps every time I hear it. The combination of the guitar and Kristin’s voice hitting every high note gives me chills the entire time. I cannot wait for their second album--from what I've seen so far, I think it's gonna be pretty awesome.
Grace Potter is a jam band—Which means that their albums kick ass but they’re so much better live. I saw both bands live first and was blown away. Then, I listened to their albums, and although good, I craved the live performance factor because the feeling they create is infectious. It leaves you wanting more and I want to feel my body tingle like that every second of my life.
Here's some examples of why I love them (I threw my cousin in the mix too--she's pretty awesome!). Turn it up and close your eyes.
THAT is why I listen to music. And once the music stops, my hear beat will cease as well.
I love music. That’s a fact. A declaration. And an affirmation. I didn’t realize just how much until recently. I didn’t realize that I do the same thing now as I did when I was 12 years old. From the second that I rose from bed until the moment I shut the light to sleep there was music. Now, I walk home with my ipod, unlock the door to my apartment, put away my ipod (who I affectionately named Stinky) and turn on itunes. It plays until I go to bed. I used to lock myself in my room and listen to music for hours. I knew all the songs, all the words. I didn’t realize that that love was stronger than some other things I thought I loved at the time.
It makes everything better. I love how music can make you remember a person, a moment in time, a whole event or even a feeling. We listen to music according to our moods. Sometimes we use it to try to change our mood. Sometimes we use it to make us feel what and how we’re feeling at that moment even more intensely. I love how I can remember where I was, what I was wearing, and how I was feeling just by hearing a song. Whether good or bad. It’s a memory. It makes us and shapes us. Music is a major part of life whether we actively realize it or not.
Cut to August 26, 2010 when I won a spot to go to a live taping of Grace Potter And The Nocturnals. I discovered her in June and have not stopped listening to her since. I've been dying to see her live but they never come to NY. She is the person I wish I could be because, frankly, she's a badass rocker. I was inspired to write this:
I got goose bumps the second they began playing and it didn’t subside until I was down the block and could no longer hear the music. My whole body tingled from my feet to my fingertips. I kept telling myself that I had to remember that feeling. I want to feel that every second of my life. There’s a point at the end of ‘Tiny Light' where the whole band just rocks out. Hair flying and fingers moving so fast that you can barely make out that they actually belong to an arm—overall awesomeness. It builds and builds until there’s a tiny explosion at the end.
I felt the beat of the drum in time with every beat of my heart. Every time he hit it, my insides tingled. The drum WAS my heart beat at that moment. At the same time, the guitarist was emitting riffs that rolled over my body, crashing into me like a wave. You know, that wave that doesn’t knock you down but washes over you and makes you feel as one with the ocean. There was such a build up as all the instruments were going that I didn’t know whether I wanted to scream in ecstasy or burst into tears. I've never felt that before. I’ve been in awe of individual musicians before—the ones where you don’t realize that you haven’t blinked or closed your mouth in the last two minutes because they exude so much awesomeness.
That happens with one of my favorite NYC bands-Audio Fiction. The guitarist leaves me standing with my mouth open every time he shreds his guitar with a solo. “Dead To Me” is one of my favorite songs ever---largely because I get goose bumps every time I hear it. The combination of the guitar and Kristin’s voice hitting every high note gives me chills the entire time. I cannot wait for their second album--from what I've seen so far, I think it's gonna be pretty awesome.
Grace Potter is a jam band—Which means that their albums kick ass but they’re so much better live. I saw both bands live first and was blown away. Then, I listened to their albums, and although good, I craved the live performance factor because the feeling they create is infectious. It leaves you wanting more and I want to feel my body tingle like that every second of my life.
Here's some examples of why I love them (I threw my cousin in the mix too--she's pretty awesome!). Turn it up and close your eyes.
THAT is why I listen to music. And once the music stops, my hear beat will cease as well.
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