BABIES!!!

I was going through my notebook and I found this:

At the end of August, I went to Pennsylvania to visit my godson and his new baby brother. I spent a few days surrounded by babies and dogs from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep. I’ve always loved babies—who the hell doesn’t love babies?! Our next door neighbor had a 1 year old grandson who I used to go play with. My sister and I were around 8 and 6. Instead of playing tag or playing with barbies or fighting, we were going next door and entertaining a toddler. When I was 10 years old, my brother was born. I loved taking care of him. I was his second mother. He was our little doll we could throw around. I was always the little mommy…I still am. I always make sure everyone gets home okay and that no one’s falling down drunk or doing things they’ll regret in the morning….it’s exhausting. But I love it.
Anyway, so I was surrounded by babies for a few days and decided to make a pro/con list for babies. This is what I came up with:

PRO
 they’re simple. They want to be clean, fed, clothed, and paid some attention to.
 They’re constantly learning. The ability to shape these little beings into functioning members of society has to be the best challenge of a person’s life. The most difficult, but rewarding nonetheless.
 They’re funny. They do the funniest things without even trying. They have no agenda. They just exist.
 Having a baby fall asleep on your shoulder is one of the best things ever—I literally could sit there all day like that.
 Even better….witnessing a baby laugh in their sleep while in your arms—magical
 They love you without any judgment
 Their smell

CON
 You are never alone. Ever. Again.
 Your plans revolve around the routine of a little slobbering alien. Forever.
 Tantrums.
 The cost of diapers, formula, extra food, toys, clothes, shoes, etc….
 Having to hold a screaming baby in your arms for 45 minutes and not being able to console them because they’re getting new teeth is the worst thing in the world—mostly because it’s not their fault and you can’t do anything to alleviate their pain
 Crumbs, food, toy pieces in every crevice and on every floor
 Their smell…..when they poop or spit up.

Even though I’ve welcomed the thought of having a baby for most of my life, I don’t think I want one right this second. I’m not fully shaped and developed into the best person I could be and it’s unfair to bring someone into this world when you couldn’t possibly give them your full attention and focus. How can you expect to create an exceptional human being when you, yourself, are not the best person you could be?

I like staying up all night, waking when I want, not having to cook all day, and not have to take care of someone else. The day is coming when I’ll be ready, but it’s not anytime in the near future.

Can I Be 12 Again?

So, I have a bunch of old cartoons in my Netflix queue in an attempt to relive my youth. Today I woke up and decided to watch The Super Mario Bros Super Show. It was everything I imagined it to be. Late 80’s/Early 90’s tackiness mixed in with an endearing innocence. Times were so simple back then. Watching it now, it’s nostalgic, but the experience feels tainted in some way—contaminated by life. The innocence and simplicity that was experienced almost 20 years ago is gone, and instead, is replaced by a jadedness acquired by life. I sometimes wish I didn’t know the things I know or never experienced the things that have happened. I feel tainted—different. I can literally see myself back then. I can see me as I watched G.I. Joe and Sonic The Hedgehog before school in the morning in my uniform. I can remember the walk to the corner to get to the bus. I can remember Mike the bus driver. I can remember looking out the window at the sky as the sun slowly lit it up and wondering why the kid two blocks away was taking so long to get out of his house and onto the bus.
It seems like such a long time ago though. Like we saw it in a movie. Because since then, there have been so many things that have happened that it’s a wonder we can remember anything at all from two decades ago. Our biggest concern was getting home in time to watch afternoon cartoons and if our parents would let us have ice cream before dinner. I wish those innocent times lasted longer, or that we realized that we should’ve milked them for everything we could get. I don’t know about you, but I was in such a rush to grow up. I sometimes feel like I was born at 30 years old. Thank god I’m not as uptight as I used to be….true story. Ask my sister.