This year was the most tumultuous year of my life. In 2010 we said, "2010, you are not my friend" and then in 2011 we said, "2011, sounds like heaven".....boy were we wrong. I guess 2012 smells like hell? Who knows. This year was probably the most stressful for me but chocked full of life lessons. Here are some things I learned:
1. I've always had that House-like mentality that everybody lies and no one is what they appear to be. People said I was being too critical of others. Guess what, I was right all along! Life lesson 1: Everybody lies and people are never what they appear to be. Point Natasha.
2. The saying goes "it's what people do, not what they say". It's true. I can tell you the sky is purple and Big Bird is the president but that doesn't mean shit. It's our actions that dictate who and what we are. That's not to say you shouldn't listen at all because the combination of the two can reveal a whole lot as well. Actions, do in fact, speak louder than words.
3. If it's too good to be true, it's probably too good to be true.
4. It's OK to be scared, but you have to stand up for yourself and speak truthfully. You will ALWAYS feel much better in the end.
5. The biggest lesson this year: There is NOTHING you can't get through. Ever. Even when you've been to Hell and back, you have to figure, "hey I got back, didn't I?"
6. This world is actually smaller than it appears to be. We are all connected somehow. So, I guess watch what you say and what you do to others. It'll probably come back to you somehow.
7. On that note....karma is a bitch. "Do unto others as you would have have them do unto you" is another true wisdom. What you put out in the world will indeed come back to you. So be ready. Cuz there's quite a few people out there who are being hunted by Karma. And it's only a matter of time.....
8. People don't change. The end. Either accept them for what they are, or walk away.
9. I'm really glad I never made the decision to dorm for college. I would've been a hot mess. I was most definitely thankful for that choice after living with a girl and her dog and a couple of guys and their friends. I got my college experience in 1 year. Thank the lord.
10. I've always believed this....EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. There is a reason why we go through the things we do, and interact with the people we meet and see the things that we see. We can't rush life because it's already written. And it's definitely hard to see the meaning behind things when you're deep in it at the time, but at some point you look back and realize that everything has come together to make you a better person. I feel like I've lived 3 lives this year. And it's gotten me closer to the person I want to be.
Sometimes we have to go a few steps back and acquire some battle wounds to get ahead in this life war, but it's not the individual battles that determines the victor, it's the overall outcome of the war. Winston Churchill said:
This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.
Winston, my dear man, how right you are.....
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
You Can Fight Some Things...Human Nature Is Not One Of Them.
Sometimes I think about where I was exactly a year ago on a particular date (today one year ago, for example, I was preparing to watch the Lunar Eclipse). And I think about how much things have changed since that day. It's amazing how things evolve, how you never expect to be where you end up. And it's even more alarming how much people change and how far apart or close together you become. The old saying is "things change, people don't.", right? So, could it be that in some circumstances they don't change but merely reveal what they've been all along?
I have a friend who's changed. And it's blamed on getting older. Except, you don't really change when you get older. You just mature more and get tired earlier and want to go to bed after 2 drinks. And I'm trying to figure out if this difference is him revealing what he was all along that I missed, or if it's because of his environment and other influencing factors.
It happens every so often. People not being who you thought they were. People usually show others what they want them to see. We obviously don't offer up the worst parts of ourselves or then we wouldn't have any friends at all. But after some time, our true nature is revealed and it always shocks me that, as observant as I am, I miss things sometimes. This usually happens when I've succumbed to some sort of emotional attachment to a person and are no long objective to the situations(stupid feelings).
This year I've learned a lot about people. I was quite surprised by a few of them. And in some cases, it was just them revealing who they truly were. I guess I can't be mad about that. Ones nature cannot be helped. It's just unfortunate that their ways didn't jive well with my undeniable nature. It always saddens me though. I try to live by the 'what you see is what you get' code. If I'm short tempered and bitchy, I'm not gonna hide it. If at times I'm a bit selfish, so be it. If I like talking about migrating to my new planet called Nay-tosh and how much I love Stargate Atlantis even though people have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna stop myself. Love me or hate me, but at least you're getting the real me. The only part I sometimes hide is the nice part. Cuz only the most worthy people get to see that side....
I have a friend who's changed. And it's blamed on getting older. Except, you don't really change when you get older. You just mature more and get tired earlier and want to go to bed after 2 drinks. And I'm trying to figure out if this difference is him revealing what he was all along that I missed, or if it's because of his environment and other influencing factors.
It happens every so often. People not being who you thought they were. People usually show others what they want them to see. We obviously don't offer up the worst parts of ourselves or then we wouldn't have any friends at all. But after some time, our true nature is revealed and it always shocks me that, as observant as I am, I miss things sometimes. This usually happens when I've succumbed to some sort of emotional attachment to a person and are no long objective to the situations(stupid feelings).
This year I've learned a lot about people. I was quite surprised by a few of them. And in some cases, it was just them revealing who they truly were. I guess I can't be mad about that. Ones nature cannot be helped. It's just unfortunate that their ways didn't jive well with my undeniable nature. It always saddens me though. I try to live by the 'what you see is what you get' code. If I'm short tempered and bitchy, I'm not gonna hide it. If at times I'm a bit selfish, so be it. If I like talking about migrating to my new planet called Nay-tosh and how much I love Stargate Atlantis even though people have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna stop myself. Love me or hate me, but at least you're getting the real me. The only part I sometimes hide is the nice part. Cuz only the most worthy people get to see that side....
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Christmas Is Not The Same
Remember when you were younger and looked forward to the holidays. Once it hit Thanksgiving, you knew presents and a week off from school were around the corner. Your parents got the tree and you helped decorate it, they brought home shopping bags full of gifts and hid them (usually poorly, because we always managed to find them) you made cookies for Santa and they helped you write the letter. We helped string up the lights and wrap the presents and it was this magical time during the year. But as you get older, and tied up with work and life and doing your own present shopping, that time becomes just another set of weeks in the year. It's not as special anymore. And I realized this week that we had our parents taking care of all the details. Now as adults, we have to make these decisions and traditions on our own. It sucks.
I want to be able to kick back and watch Christmas movies and daydream during class about what I'm getting for Christmas. I can't do that anymore. And it flies by so quickly. The holidays felt like forever when I was a kid. With this startling acknowledgement that I'm not a child anymore, came the realization that it's up to me to carry on the traditions and do all these things now. If I don't do it now, there's a good chance my future children won't know what Christmas is at all since I'll be so used to not partaking and facilitating all this holiday stuff. And as exhausting as it's going to be to keep up with all these things, I hope I help create similar holiday memories for my future kids as I have such as:
- sneaking into the closet and looking at all the presents before they're wrapped
- trying to peek under the door to see the presents we didn't find as my mother wrapped them
- using a knife to cut the tape to look at the wrapped presents and then resealing them
- stealing all my brothers presents at 6am on Christmas day and replacing them with a pile of coal (my brother is STILL in therapy for that one)
- catching "Santa" in the act at 5 years old
Guess I managed to find another downside of growing up....time killed Christmas. You heard it here first, kids.
I want to be able to kick back and watch Christmas movies and daydream during class about what I'm getting for Christmas. I can't do that anymore. And it flies by so quickly. The holidays felt like forever when I was a kid. With this startling acknowledgement that I'm not a child anymore, came the realization that it's up to me to carry on the traditions and do all these things now. If I don't do it now, there's a good chance my future children won't know what Christmas is at all since I'll be so used to not partaking and facilitating all this holiday stuff. And as exhausting as it's going to be to keep up with all these things, I hope I help create similar holiday memories for my future kids as I have such as:
- sneaking into the closet and looking at all the presents before they're wrapped
- trying to peek under the door to see the presents we didn't find as my mother wrapped them
- using a knife to cut the tape to look at the wrapped presents and then resealing them
- stealing all my brothers presents at 6am on Christmas day and replacing them with a pile of coal (my brother is STILL in therapy for that one)
- catching "Santa" in the act at 5 years old
Guess I managed to find another downside of growing up....time killed Christmas. You heard it here first, kids.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Massages Are For Relaxing. I Don't Know What That Is.
I've only had 3 massages in my life. I'm not very good at relaxing. Can't sit still in this ADD induced world,and worse is that I never stop thinking. My mind's always racing. Always thinking. It gets annoying after a while but it's better than having no thoughts at all I guess. So, in typical Natasha fashion, my massage experiences provide entertaining stories for the public. Because, you can't make this shit up when it comes to me....
Massage #1
It was SPA WEEK in NYC a couple years ago so I decide, why not. Lets see what this is about. So I found this place in midtown and went with my friend. It was pretty busy and after a few minutes I was whisked away to a very tiny dark room by an Asian lady. I was told to undress and lie face down. I don't do very well in unfamiliar situations. I tend to get nervous and uneasy which is probably a hindrance to the whole relaxation idea. After undressing and lying down, I thought 'Jeez at least they usually buy me a drink before I'm in this state". The lady enters and begins and the whole time I'm thinking "Um, is she supposed to be going that far up my thigh?" and "What if she's a lesbian and is turned on by this whole thing?" and "What if I'M turned on by this?". Safe to say, that I hardly relaxed at all. I walked out wide eyed and said to my friend "I think I was just molested but I'm not sure cuz I've never had a massage before so I have nothing to compare it to". I didn't attempt another massage for 2 years.
Massage #2
My friend surprised me with a massage for my birthday/graduation present this year. We arrived at the place and I was handed a glass of wine. Much improved from the last time. I was shown to the dark room and told to strip once again. At least this time i was privy to what was going to take place. I tried very hard this time to clear my mind which meant counting backwards from 100 over and over again to deter my mind from thinking about my to-do list, my life, the past, the present, the future. After what felt like forever, the lady put her hand on my back and whispered something that sounded like "thank you". I waited for a bit, stretched out and wondered if she was coming back or if we were done. After 5 minutes I got up and began dressing. While half naked and mid sip of my wine, she walked back in. I was topless. She said "no, no! We're not done yet." Apparently she had gone to get a warm towel. I gulped the rest of my wine, undressed quickly and tried to get back in the zone. So embarrassing! After about 15 minutes she put her hand on my back again and said "now, we are done". We had a good laugh about it and I hightailed it out of there.
Massage #3
I purchased this one while I was moving this last September and extremely stressed. Figured it was well deserved. When I went to book it I realized it was going to be given by a man(so awkward!) and someplace listed with a suite number. On the day of, I headed downtown and found a big apartment building, one of those where people can rent out office space. I signed in at the front desk making sure they had my name, the suite number and the time I came in. I headed upstairs while texting my sister my location and clear instructions to call me at 1:25pm sharp and in case I did not answer, she should know to alert someone immediately. There was a sign on the door that said to wait, and after a few minutes the door opened and a man appeared. We introduced ourselves and I thought "fuck yeah! He's gay! This is fabulous. Nothing to worry about". I was shown into a room that was, in essence, someones bedroom. We talked about some of my problems and then he began a sentence with "my wife and I...". Downhill from there. I lay on the table and tried my counting again to relax. But while he was massaging me the whole time I heard in my head "He's tenderizing your flesh to make his wife a winter coat". Then there's that whole thing where they get extremely close to your body (and head) all which happens to be crotch level. So, I was very much aware that his crotch was at my head and that my hand was very close to his crotch as well every time he walked around. It was all unsettling. And then I wondered of course if they get turned on by all this (yes it's their job, but it's a natural response, people!) We finished, I got dressed and walked out of there never wanting to see him again (that's what she said??)
Final Thoughts:
I did feel better after than last one, and there's definitely some truth behind the idea that massages from men's hands are much more satisfying, but it's all so embarrassing. I don't think I would ever go back to the same person. I don't want to know that they know what I look like naked. It's weird. But, I am getting better at this whole massage, naked, relaxing thing.
Massage #1
It was SPA WEEK in NYC a couple years ago so I decide, why not. Lets see what this is about. So I found this place in midtown and went with my friend. It was pretty busy and after a few minutes I was whisked away to a very tiny dark room by an Asian lady. I was told to undress and lie face down. I don't do very well in unfamiliar situations. I tend to get nervous and uneasy which is probably a hindrance to the whole relaxation idea. After undressing and lying down, I thought 'Jeez at least they usually buy me a drink before I'm in this state". The lady enters and begins and the whole time I'm thinking "Um, is she supposed to be going that far up my thigh?" and "What if she's a lesbian and is turned on by this whole thing?" and "What if I'M turned on by this?". Safe to say, that I hardly relaxed at all. I walked out wide eyed and said to my friend "I think I was just molested but I'm not sure cuz I've never had a massage before so I have nothing to compare it to". I didn't attempt another massage for 2 years.
Massage #2
My friend surprised me with a massage for my birthday/graduation present this year. We arrived at the place and I was handed a glass of wine. Much improved from the last time. I was shown to the dark room and told to strip once again. At least this time i was privy to what was going to take place. I tried very hard this time to clear my mind which meant counting backwards from 100 over and over again to deter my mind from thinking about my to-do list, my life, the past, the present, the future. After what felt like forever, the lady put her hand on my back and whispered something that sounded like "thank you". I waited for a bit, stretched out and wondered if she was coming back or if we were done. After 5 minutes I got up and began dressing. While half naked and mid sip of my wine, she walked back in. I was topless. She said "no, no! We're not done yet." Apparently she had gone to get a warm towel. I gulped the rest of my wine, undressed quickly and tried to get back in the zone. So embarrassing! After about 15 minutes she put her hand on my back again and said "now, we are done". We had a good laugh about it and I hightailed it out of there.
Massage #3
I purchased this one while I was moving this last September and extremely stressed. Figured it was well deserved. When I went to book it I realized it was going to be given by a man(so awkward!) and someplace listed with a suite number. On the day of, I headed downtown and found a big apartment building, one of those where people can rent out office space. I signed in at the front desk making sure they had my name, the suite number and the time I came in. I headed upstairs while texting my sister my location and clear instructions to call me at 1:25pm sharp and in case I did not answer, she should know to alert someone immediately. There was a sign on the door that said to wait, and after a few minutes the door opened and a man appeared. We introduced ourselves and I thought "fuck yeah! He's gay! This is fabulous. Nothing to worry about". I was shown into a room that was, in essence, someones bedroom. We talked about some of my problems and then he began a sentence with "my wife and I...". Downhill from there. I lay on the table and tried my counting again to relax. But while he was massaging me the whole time I heard in my head "He's tenderizing your flesh to make his wife a winter coat". Then there's that whole thing where they get extremely close to your body (and head) all which happens to be crotch level. So, I was very much aware that his crotch was at my head and that my hand was very close to his crotch as well every time he walked around. It was all unsettling. And then I wondered of course if they get turned on by all this (yes it's their job, but it's a natural response, people!) We finished, I got dressed and walked out of there never wanting to see him again (that's what she said??)
Final Thoughts:
I did feel better after than last one, and there's definitely some truth behind the idea that massages from men's hands are much more satisfying, but it's all so embarrassing. I don't think I would ever go back to the same person. I don't want to know that they know what I look like naked. It's weird. But, I am getting better at this whole massage, naked, relaxing thing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)