I've only had 3 massages in my life. I'm not very good at relaxing. Can't sit still in this ADD induced world,and worse is that I never stop thinking. My mind's always racing. Always thinking. It gets annoying after a while but it's better than having no thoughts at all I guess. So, in typical Natasha fashion, my massage experiences provide entertaining stories for the public. Because, you can't make this shit up when it comes to me....
Massage #1
It was SPA WEEK in NYC a couple years ago so I decide, why not. Lets see what this is about. So I found this place in midtown and went with my friend. It was pretty busy and after a few minutes I was whisked away to a very tiny dark room by an Asian lady. I was told to undress and lie face down. I don't do very well in unfamiliar situations. I tend to get nervous and uneasy which is probably a hindrance to the whole relaxation idea. After undressing and lying down, I thought 'Jeez at least they usually buy me a drink before I'm in this state". The lady enters and begins and the whole time I'm thinking "Um, is she supposed to be going that far up my thigh?" and "What if she's a lesbian and is turned on by this whole thing?" and "What if I'M turned on by this?". Safe to say, that I hardly relaxed at all. I walked out wide eyed and said to my friend "I think I was just molested but I'm not sure cuz I've never had a massage before so I have nothing to compare it to". I didn't attempt another massage for 2 years.
Massage #2
My friend surprised me with a massage for my birthday/graduation present this year. We arrived at the place and I was handed a glass of wine. Much improved from the last time. I was shown to the dark room and told to strip once again. At least this time i was privy to what was going to take place. I tried very hard this time to clear my mind which meant counting backwards from 100 over and over again to deter my mind from thinking about my to-do list, my life, the past, the present, the future. After what felt like forever, the lady put her hand on my back and whispered something that sounded like "thank you". I waited for a bit, stretched out and wondered if she was coming back or if we were done. After 5 minutes I got up and began dressing. While half naked and mid sip of my wine, she walked back in. I was topless. She said "no, no! We're not done yet." Apparently she had gone to get a warm towel. I gulped the rest of my wine, undressed quickly and tried to get back in the zone. So embarrassing! After about 15 minutes she put her hand on my back again and said "now, we are done". We had a good laugh about it and I hightailed it out of there.
Massage #3
I purchased this one while I was moving this last September and extremely stressed. Figured it was well deserved. When I went to book it I realized it was going to be given by a man(so awkward!) and someplace listed with a suite number. On the day of, I headed downtown and found a big apartment building, one of those where people can rent out office space. I signed in at the front desk making sure they had my name, the suite number and the time I came in. I headed upstairs while texting my sister my location and clear instructions to call me at 1:25pm sharp and in case I did not answer, she should know to alert someone immediately. There was a sign on the door that said to wait, and after a few minutes the door opened and a man appeared. We introduced ourselves and I thought "fuck yeah! He's gay! This is fabulous. Nothing to worry about". I was shown into a room that was, in essence, someones bedroom. We talked about some of my problems and then he began a sentence with "my wife and I...". Downhill from there. I lay on the table and tried my counting again to relax. But while he was massaging me the whole time I heard in my head "He's tenderizing your flesh to make his wife a winter coat". Then there's that whole thing where they get extremely close to your body (and head) all which happens to be crotch level. So, I was very much aware that his crotch was at my head and that my hand was very close to his crotch as well every time he walked around. It was all unsettling. And then I wondered of course if they get turned on by all this (yes it's their job, but it's a natural response, people!) We finished, I got dressed and walked out of there never wanting to see him again (that's what she said??)
Final Thoughts:
I did feel better after than last one, and there's definitely some truth behind the idea that massages from men's hands are much more satisfying, but it's all so embarrassing. I don't think I would ever go back to the same person. I don't want to know that they know what I look like naked. It's weird. But, I am getting better at this whole massage, naked, relaxing thing.
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