The Road Less Travelled

How do we really know that we are on the right path? How do we know that our choices are correct? There's no way to check our work. There's no answer key. Are we in the right line of work? Did we marry the right person? Should we really have had kids when we did? We just live every day and take it as it comes. But if we have to deal with what we have and take it as it is, then how do we know that we should change? How do we know it's wrong if we can't check to see if the answer is right?

I don't like not knowing things and I don't like being surprised and unprepared. It makes me uneasy, so I guess, then life itself makes me uneasy. I've always stood firmly behind the idea that we learn from experiences (good or bad) and then we do it better but when it's not just about living, when you have to make an actual decision (go right or go left)no one can tell you if you're right. And, for someone like me who loves to check and recheck and operates with the idea that you are either right or wrong at all times, it's not exactly easy to make choices.

My friend recently said to me as we were having a conversation that I should just pick up and move to another city, like London since I'm such an Anglophile. When I said that I could never do that because I'm a worrier and don't like uncertainty, she seemed confused and said "you seem like the type of person who would just do something like that--Who's ballsy enough." I thought that night about what she said and although it seems like a good idea on paper since I don't really have anything tying me down here, I could never do it. It was interesting that she views me as someone who's brave and gutsy and able to run out into the unknown. Brave is not a word I would use to describe me. I'm a perfectionist, a worrier, a realist, bossy, observant, witty but not brave.

Then I thought: What if she's right? Sometimes people can see us better than we see ourselves and maybe I am braver than I think I am. Maybe I'm like Bilbo Baggins who lived on his quiet shire with his predictable life until Gandalf came along and taught him that he was brave and courageous and then he can't stop and yearns for adventure for the rest of his life(yeah, that parallel just happened). So, I've decided that I'm not going to be scared anymore. I am braver than I give myself credit for and I may just start jumping off some ledges this year.