What's in a name?

Brand names. Band names. People names. Some don’t make any sense. Some should be illegal.

Sunkist. I get it. The sun metaphorically kisses the grapes to make raisins.
Dunkin Donuts. What one should be doing to their delicious morning pastry.
Pathmark. Negative. What’s the mark? Now, pathMART, I get. A path that leads to the mart. I looked up the history of it. It means nothing. No reason. Why name it at all? Why not just ‘Path’?

The Toadies. Unappealing. I have a vision of war covered band members and bogs. And also a disinterest in listening to their music however good it may be. Name change!
There’s a band from California called ‘Fartbarf’. No thank you.

Shithead. Pronounced shee-theed. Negative. It’s ‘shit head’ put together and pronounced differently. You are both grammatically and verbally challenged, my friend. Don’t name your child that.
Femalé. You can’t put an accent on the end and make people pronounce it differently. It’s female. As in: the gender. Let’s all be honest—you were too lazy to name your child properly because you were probably drunk. Which is exactly what got you in trouble in the first place. Which leads me into…people who name their kids after alcoholic beverages, foods, animals, inanimate objects, concepts, or professions. Alizé. Apple. Sparrow. Blanket. Audio Science. Pilot Inspektor.

Huh? Negative. Name change. Now. You’re an idiot. And probably a drunk. Plus, you just guaranteed yourself that your child will grow up to hate you and need decades of therapy. Congrats.