Exes. It's been the topic of conversation for a while. I get all my good topics from lunchroom chitchat which gets me thinking about things. Usually, I'm the one to question something that sparks a big debate. It's good to get away from talking about the kids sometimes. So, this weeks topic: exes.
An ex is an ex for a reason. There are different ways of how you get there but ultimately, they are left in the past.....or are they? With the invention of texting and facebook, you get to keep in contact with people from the past with just a click of a button. Before cellphones you had to actually call someone, and if you didn't have anything to say, then breathing into the receiver was not an option. Now, you can text "what's up?" to someone you haven't heard from in a while and then wait anxiously by the phone in hopes that they respond.
This is where the status of an 'ex' gets tricky. They don't stay in the past anymore. You store their number and still friend them on facebook and they never really go away. So, if they never disappear then how can you really forget them (if that is your intention)? If you still want to remain on good terms with them, then facebook is there to dangle pictures of your ex with their new boyfriend/girlfriend in front of your face when you go to their page late at night cuz you can't sleep. Either way, trouble.
A few weeks ago there was an ex-girlfriend situation. One of my friends came out one Friday night and brought his new girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend was suppose to attend the same outing. All day, our whole group talked about what would happen and if there was going to be any drama. All night we waited with baited breathe. We met the new girl and I gave him a high five (major upgrade!). Then, the ex showed up. We all stood in a circle and watched her as she made her way around the bar. I was torn. I didn't know who to vote for. I've been both. I've been ex who's like, "Is that the new girlfriend?! What does he see in her? I'm so much better...I'm better, right?" And, I've been the new girl who's thinking "please don't be mean to me. I don't want to cause any drama. Can we try to be friends?" Ex did well for the most part, except for the fact that she ignored him for the first hour and proceeded to pout a bit in the corner with her friends and get drunk....
This past weekend, I was ditched for an ex. Mad M., Sassy S. and I were at the same bar where we met two guys. They challenged us to beer pong (which they lost, of course!) and we made friends. They were going to a friends birthday party and invited us and after some coaxing, we joined them. Soccer coach(dude 1) practically ran the last couple of blocks to get to the place (almost leading us into oncoming traffic) and disappeared once we got into the bar. Nice guy (dude 2) explained to us a bit later that soccer coaches ex was there and it was a bit weird. Didn't look weird to me cuz he was glued to her side the entire time. He also explained that they broke up 4 years ago and that Soccer coach was still friends with her brothers(looks to me like they may be "broken up" but he's not ready to "break ties").
Now, here lies the problem. You cannot, for one second, claim that you are "just friends" with your ex when being around them changes the way you interact with other people. If there are still feelings there, then you are not "just friends". You are confused. Also, being friends with an ex is a whole other story. I know a few people who do it. I don't. But the problem is that you've seen them naked. I don't know about you, but I don't have sex with my friends, nor have I seen any of them naked. Once you see someone naked, there's something more there than "just friends". I operate under the impression that we have broken up because something is wrong with this arrangement and I don't have feelings for you anymore in that way. Something is broken in the relationship, which is why it's called "breaking up".
I don't have an answer of whether you can/should be friends with an ex, but I do know that depending on the length of the relationship, it may be possible. For example, if you dated for 2 months and then realized that you are better friends than you are boyfriend/girlfriend, then transitioning to friends is easier. If you were together for a year, way harder and less of a chance. If you were together for more than a year, defriend, erase number, don't go to their favorite bar.
One of the guys at work said his ex still keeps in contact with his mom. No,no. And weird.
So, in conclusion, exes should stay in the past except for very, very few circumstances. And, if there are still feelings involved, then maybe you shouldn't have broken up and instead, should've taken the time to fix what was broken. Because you can't "just be friends" when you know that they have a little mole on their left butt cheek.
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