I Just Know....

So, I was born with this gift (or curse) depending how you look at it. I want to believe that I've inherited this from an ancient relative who was a Delphic oracle. I just know things. It's a feeling. I never trust myself though. Never. I always think that my over imaginative mind is making it up. I mean, I did write a play at 5 years old about a talking cat. But I know. And then it happens and I'm a little surprised but mostly angry that I couldn't/didn't stop it. I hate it. It's like watching a baby walk unsteadily near the edge of a table and you think, "if that baby goes down, he's definitely cracking his head open". And then it happens and you think "fuck! I could've stopped that." It's like that. There's always a baby just about to crack his head open.
I have dreams and sometimes I get deja vu and think, this happened. You were standing there, and I was here and you just said something about ice cream but then what? I can't remember. The thing is I only know I knew it when it happens, not before. That's a fucking stupid gift if you ask me. I don't like surprises. Don't like being caught off guard. I want to know things, need to know things in order to be prepared. The problem is that people are so unpredictable that you never know what they're going to do so you never know how you're going to react. Does that make sense?
Even worse, like right now as I'm writing this, I vaguely remember that I had a dream a couple of weeks ago where I felt some intense emotion but I can't remember any of it. That usually tells me, that it's going to happen, I'm not going to be prepared and then I'm going to remember it afterwards.
One example I can still remember so strongly happened last March actually. I had a dream about MusicMan. I woke up crying. I was with him and he had left me in his apartment with his brother. I went after him panicked trying to find him. I looked all over. He was suddenly in front of me and there was no sound. I could see us, but I couldn't hear anything. I could only see that he was saying something and I was sad. I woke up angry that he had made me feel that way. I saw him later that night and told him about it. I told him I was so mad at him and that he made me cry. His response was "I would never make you cry. I don't want to see you sad". A month and a half later, he proved himself wrong. It was a disaster. And I told myself that I should've known because even after he said that, there was an unsettling feeling.
Because I just know. Regardless of if I want to or not.