Burning Bridges

I just saw an episode of The Big Bang Theory when Leonard begins to ask the other guys if they can hang out that night. As he goes around the room and everyone is saying that they're busy he gets to Raj who says "what? NOW you wanna hang out? Now that you and Penny broke up and you have no one to hang out with you and you're all alone...."

That scene reminded me of something I've recently taken note of. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am fascinated by humans. I love watching them interact and always try to figure out their behavior: Why do people do the things they do? Why do they think like that? What makes them tick?
One of my recent observations is this: why do people abandon their friends when they get into a new relationship and then assume they'll be right there waiting for them when they suddenly break up?
I've recently witnessed a few cases of friends disappearing. They get a boyfriend or girlfriend and all of a sudden you're saying "hey, long time no see." "Where have you been?" We've all been there, on both sides of it. And I know a new relationship is always new and exciting and you want to see the person as much as possible, but what happens after a year? What happens when you only hang out with your friends once every two months and punk out on plans made most of the other times? And you didn't do that before and everyone just drifts apart. And then, you break up. And you're sad. So you call your long lost friend and ask if they want to grab a drink and catch up. But they know. They know that you're feeling lonely and sad and that's the only reason you took the initiative to see them. And then the intentions are all confirmed when it happens once again, when you either get back together with your ex or you get a new boyfriend, and your disappearing act starts all over again.

And with anything, whether you steal, cheat, lie, scheme, or go back on your word time after time, it catches up with you. When you burn enough bridges, you eventually lose all ways to get to the other side, and you end up stuck and alone anyway. We sometimes have to remind ourselves about where our loyalties should lie instead of getting caught up in the shiny and new fleeting moments of things.

In the 5th season of The Wire, McNulty's girlfriend was trying to explain something to his self destructive demon. She said (and I'm paraphrasing): At your funeral, those fleeting people won't be there. The people you know from the bar won't be there. They'll ask about you a couple months from now and when they hear you're dead, they'll say 'thats a shame' and continue on. Most of your friends won't be there either. Because you burned some bridges. But, family WILL be there. The people who ACTUALLY care about you and about what happens to you, will be there. And maybe, if you're lucky a few of those longtime friends.

I think that's a good rule of thumb to keep things in perspective. Asking yourself, will this person who I'm so attached to right now, or this person who I chose to be with over someone who cared about me, will they be at my funeral? Will they care if they never see me again?

And sometimes it's all okay, and sometimes we find out that we made the wrong choice and have lost the best friend we've ever had.