One day, your child will come up to you and ask you: "Mommy/daddy, why does Jesus hate me?"
You need to have an amazing answer to this question. So, please, practice on me and give me your answer. Cuz I'm drawing a blank.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
There's A First Time For Everything
I just performed my first defriending. Actually it was a couple. Which made it even more difficult and traumatic. As most of you know, I hate defriending. I hate it so much that I still have as a cyberfriend a person who died 2 years ago. His profile is still up and I don't have the heart to defriend him. I think it's rude and horrible. I'm not gonna lie--i felt ill while doing it and I even shed a tear. It's horrible when people you thought were friends turn out to be quite the opposite. The deciding factor was my birthday. You are not any sort of 'friend' when you can't even pretend to be happy that I was born. You don't say happy birthday to congratulate people on aging another year. You wish them a happy birthday because you're happy they were put on the planet however many years ago. When people you barely know in other states and countries say happy birthday and your 'friend' doesn't, it's time to move on.
So, I did it. I pushed those buttons. If you don't respect me, we're not friends. That makes me sad but the truth does hurt most of the time. And I'm glad to know people who ARE happy I was born and glad to have friends who will back me up no matter what and how long it takes me to get a backbone :-)
So, I did it. I pushed those buttons. If you don't respect me, we're not friends. That makes me sad but the truth does hurt most of the time. And I'm glad to know people who ARE happy I was born and glad to have friends who will back me up no matter what and how long it takes me to get a backbone :-)
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I'm Full Of Shit And I'm Just Waiting For You To Call Me Out On It
I’m full of bullshit. I realize this more recently. Partly because more people have called me out on it and partly because I’m not trying as hard to be that convincing. I challenged some random dude at a barbecue to a dance off a few weeks ago. When I laughed it off as a joke and backed down, he said “you’re all talk. No follow through”. I only knew him for about 2 hours. He’s right though. A complete stranger can see how much bull I’m comprised of. So, of course, once I’m called out on it, I step up (hence licking Sweet Mags foot in the park). It’s a cover. A defense mechanism used for self preservation. What exactly am I preserving myself against? What can be so detrimental to me that I can’t eventually get over? Defense mechanisms result from fear of something. And I think I figured out what I'm afraid of.
An ex-student came to visit recently. She asked me how my love life was and said “You haven’t met anyone who can tolerate your b.s? Not that you’re a bad person but you’re aggressive and strong. But you’re also bubbly and funny...yet fierce. So, you need someone who can handle that”. I laughed but I was really in shock. She said it perfectly. A 20 year old could see that I’m full of shit. I can’t believe I’m that transparent.
Someone once said that they were “concerned I couldn’t put my money where my mouth was”. I didn’t know what exactly they were referring to—I still don’t to this day—and I never bothered asking. I thought he was just trying to be an ass and challenge me. He was right though. I wasn’t. It seemed like I was from the outside but really, I was hiding. I wish he would've called me out on it more. I could've realized I was full of shit back in January.
Blogging helps with this. I can’t see who’s reading it so I’m ok with just writing under the assumption that only 3 people read it. It’s good to get these things out anyway. It’s therapeutic and cheaper than paying for a shrink….
An ex-student came to visit recently. She asked me how my love life was and said “You haven’t met anyone who can tolerate your b.s? Not that you’re a bad person but you’re aggressive and strong. But you’re also bubbly and funny...yet fierce. So, you need someone who can handle that”. I laughed but I was really in shock. She said it perfectly. A 20 year old could see that I’m full of shit. I can’t believe I’m that transparent.
Someone once said that they were “concerned I couldn’t put my money where my mouth was”. I didn’t know what exactly they were referring to—I still don’t to this day—and I never bothered asking. I thought he was just trying to be an ass and challenge me. He was right though. I wasn’t. It seemed like I was from the outside but really, I was hiding. I wish he would've called me out on it more. I could've realized I was full of shit back in January.
Blogging helps with this. I can’t see who’s reading it so I’m ok with just writing under the assumption that only 3 people read it. It’s good to get these things out anyway. It’s therapeutic and cheaper than paying for a shrink….
Monday, June 21, 2010
It Doesn't Matter How Old You Are Cuz This Is Still High School
Look at your friends. You must know something about how they used to be when they were in high school. Now, think about if you would’ve been friends with them back then. I’m pretty sure you would only be talking to about half of them. I think it’s funny how much we change over time. The main elements of a whole personality usually don’t change but how we respond to things do, and that changes our behaviors and ideas.
If you were a skater in high school, I’m pretty sure you are not at 30 years old skating to work in your suit while clutching your briefcase. You may reminisce about it but you realize that you can’t do that because: 1. it’s not the social norm 2. your body probably couldn't handle it and 3. it’s not practical to your new way of living.
There were the football players, the skaters, the musicians, the teachers pet, the academic perfectionists, the theatre kids, the stoners, the bad ass, the foreign import, the super senior, the mean girls, etc…We like categorizing in our society. We like belonging to a group—to identify ourselves as something. I don’t remember being exclusively loyal to one group. I was a floater. Friends with everyone, all from different groups. I had my phases. I rolled with the theater kids, sometimes with the nerdy perfectionists, might have been a teachers pet at some point ( or all the time). But I was attracted to the people, not the group. I remember thinking that I couldn't talk to someone because I wasn’t as “cool” as they were. Whatever that means. We tend to think we’re a lot cooler than we really are and that others are cooler than we can ever be. In reality, we’re all big dorks, because when you get to know someone you find that they’re just like you. We’re all the same.
My staff at work is like a smaller high school class. We’re all so different from what we used to be and may have even adopted a new high school persona but it's like we never left. Maybe the dork can now be the cool kid or the musician can now be the teacher’s (boss’s) pet. I don’t think I would be friends with most of them if we were actually in high school. I don’t think our paths would have crossed if we weren’t thrown together in this pot we currently find ourselves in.
If you were a skater in high school, I’m pretty sure you are not at 30 years old skating to work in your suit while clutching your briefcase. You may reminisce about it but you realize that you can’t do that because: 1. it’s not the social norm 2. your body probably couldn't handle it and 3. it’s not practical to your new way of living.
There were the football players, the skaters, the musicians, the teachers pet, the academic perfectionists, the theatre kids, the stoners, the bad ass, the foreign import, the super senior, the mean girls, etc…We like categorizing in our society. We like belonging to a group—to identify ourselves as something. I don’t remember being exclusively loyal to one group. I was a floater. Friends with everyone, all from different groups. I had my phases. I rolled with the theater kids, sometimes with the nerdy perfectionists, might have been a teachers pet at some point ( or all the time). But I was attracted to the people, not the group. I remember thinking that I couldn't talk to someone because I wasn’t as “cool” as they were. Whatever that means. We tend to think we’re a lot cooler than we really are and that others are cooler than we can ever be. In reality, we’re all big dorks, because when you get to know someone you find that they’re just like you. We’re all the same.
My staff at work is like a smaller high school class. We’re all so different from what we used to be and may have even adopted a new high school persona but it's like we never left. Maybe the dork can now be the cool kid or the musician can now be the teacher’s (boss’s) pet. I don’t think I would be friends with most of them if we were actually in high school. I don’t think our paths would have crossed if we weren’t thrown together in this pot we currently find ourselves in.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I Have Thoughts...
Just a few thoughts today:
1. Defriending. It's a real term now. It's horrible. I hate it. My problem is that I don't become friends with people unless I mean it. What sucks is that I assume other people operate that way too. Some people are just friend whores....like that girl that friended a guy she's never met who sent her a creepy facebook message saying how beautiful she is and how he wants to meet her....yeah, I'm talking about people like that.
I take friendship very seriously. I'm not going to talk to you and be fake just for the sake of it. If I talk to you, I like you in some capacity. I'm at a crossroad right now because I feel like there are several people who I should defriend--people who don't respect our "friendship" at all. The idea is killing me though. Why is it ok for us to 'defriend' in cyberspace? We would never do it in real life. We wouldn't go up to a person and say "listen, we can't talk anymore. I'm officially defriending you". It's rude. But we seem to think it's ok if we can't see the other person. We accept, deny, block, defriend all within a blink of an eye.
I got defriended by someone in the fall. I hated that feeling--that we couldn't even be cyberfriends let alone real friends. That sucked. So I decided that I would never accept people who I didn't really want to be friends with--people with whom I could see myself being friends with for quite a while. My mistake is that I assume other people value our friendship as much as I do. I guess I just have to accept that people will always prove me wrong....
2. Birthdays. They're weird. Who came up with the birthday cake tradition? And the candles? And the singing? It's awkward. I always find singing 'happy birthday' to be completely boring. It's not entertaining when you're 2 years old or 92 years old. I'm bored singing to you. Especially when you have shitty cake. I didn't come to your party in hopes of shitty cake. I would also like a party bag. We need to bring those back asap. Birthdays are just days. Time is socially constructed so who's to say how old I really am. I sometimes (most of the time) feel like I'm 12 years old. And sometimes I feel like I've lived a very long and tiresome life. This day is weird.
That's all for today....just for today.
1. Defriending. It's a real term now. It's horrible. I hate it. My problem is that I don't become friends with people unless I mean it. What sucks is that I assume other people operate that way too. Some people are just friend whores....like that girl that friended a guy she's never met who sent her a creepy facebook message saying how beautiful she is and how he wants to meet her....yeah, I'm talking about people like that.
I take friendship very seriously. I'm not going to talk to you and be fake just for the sake of it. If I talk to you, I like you in some capacity. I'm at a crossroad right now because I feel like there are several people who I should defriend--people who don't respect our "friendship" at all. The idea is killing me though. Why is it ok for us to 'defriend' in cyberspace? We would never do it in real life. We wouldn't go up to a person and say "listen, we can't talk anymore. I'm officially defriending you". It's rude. But we seem to think it's ok if we can't see the other person. We accept, deny, block, defriend all within a blink of an eye.
I got defriended by someone in the fall. I hated that feeling--that we couldn't even be cyberfriends let alone real friends. That sucked. So I decided that I would never accept people who I didn't really want to be friends with--people with whom I could see myself being friends with for quite a while. My mistake is that I assume other people value our friendship as much as I do. I guess I just have to accept that people will always prove me wrong....
2. Birthdays. They're weird. Who came up with the birthday cake tradition? And the candles? And the singing? It's awkward. I always find singing 'happy birthday' to be completely boring. It's not entertaining when you're 2 years old or 92 years old. I'm bored singing to you. Especially when you have shitty cake. I didn't come to your party in hopes of shitty cake. I would also like a party bag. We need to bring those back asap. Birthdays are just days. Time is socially constructed so who's to say how old I really am. I sometimes (most of the time) feel like I'm 12 years old. And sometimes I feel like I've lived a very long and tiresome life. This day is weird.
That's all for today....just for today.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Who Said It??? Part 1
For anyone who spends any time with me, you already know how much I love quotes. If you don't spend time with me, what an unfortunately loss for you and, if you haven't already heard, I love to write down things that people say. That's why I love my crackberry. I have notes specifically for that purpose. People say the funniest things which are even funnier out of context. I love nothing more than re-reading my notes from the previous day. Soooo entertaining.
So, I decided to write them in a blog post. Completely out of context and completely anonymous. If you said it, you know who you are. If you were there, you know who said it. And if you don't fall into either category but know the people I hang out with, you can guess who said what. Actually, it would be pretty funny if people start guessing who said it....
"I've never before seen pants for 2 dollars...not even at the dollar store"
"I don't need you to buy me a drink...I'm not THAT thirsty"
person 1: They can't support their kids. Why are they even having sex?
person 2: Cuz they don't have cable.
"Guys are like dogs. They hump you, slobber all over the place, you have to feed them, clean up after them and take them out every so often. And after all that, they bark at you"
"I will cream your corn...baste your turkey...sauce your pasta...braise your breasts..sticky your buns"
"He's like an onion. There's so many layers. And when you cut him down the middle he makes you cry"
"you need to stand up for yourself cuz no one should put you 3rd. you should be first...or at least as close to first place as you can get"
"He wasn't repulsive from what I recall. Capital 'I', capital 'recall'."
person 1: it's my birthday!!!!
person 2: Happy birthday, pig humper
"The F train is sad. It's a sad train"
So, I decided to write them in a blog post. Completely out of context and completely anonymous. If you said it, you know who you are. If you were there, you know who said it. And if you don't fall into either category but know the people I hang out with, you can guess who said what. Actually, it would be pretty funny if people start guessing who said it....
"I've never before seen pants for 2 dollars...not even at the dollar store"
"I don't need you to buy me a drink...I'm not THAT thirsty"
person 1: They can't support their kids. Why are they even having sex?
person 2: Cuz they don't have cable.
"Guys are like dogs. They hump you, slobber all over the place, you have to feed them, clean up after them and take them out every so often. And after all that, they bark at you"
"I will cream your corn...baste your turkey...sauce your pasta...braise your breasts..sticky your buns"
"He's like an onion. There's so many layers. And when you cut him down the middle he makes you cry"
"you need to stand up for yourself cuz no one should put you 3rd. you should be first...or at least as close to first place as you can get"
"He wasn't repulsive from what I recall. Capital 'I', capital 'recall'."
person 1: it's my birthday!!!!
person 2: Happy birthday, pig humper
"The F train is sad. It's a sad train"
Monday, June 14, 2010
I Have A Request
So, here's my request:
If you're reading this--obviously you read my blog. Thanks. Nice to know some people want to hear what I have to say...or you just find me ridiculously entertaining. Either way--thanks.
But....I want to hear what you have to say. I need comments on the posts if you're logged in via google/gmail or on the facebook post. Some topics are the basis for riveting conversations and I think we can all benefit from what people have to say/think.
Questions, comments, thoughts, cyberfaces, whatever. If you got it, I want it.
So, do it cuz I said so. Or else....
If you're reading this--obviously you read my blog. Thanks. Nice to know some people want to hear what I have to say...or you just find me ridiculously entertaining. Either way--thanks.
But....I want to hear what you have to say. I need comments on the posts if you're logged in via google/gmail or on the facebook post. Some topics are the basis for riveting conversations and I think we can all benefit from what people have to say/think.
Questions, comments, thoughts, cyberfaces, whatever. If you got it, I want it.
So, do it cuz I said so. Or else....
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I Don't Wanna Smell Like Old Lady!!!
Ever wonder how you will be when you’re old? Nothing against old people but it’s interesting to know (and sometimes we forget) that they were just like us. They looked like us, acted like us, and thought like us. Yes, in a different time and different way, but they were just the same. It’s so bizarre and sometimes I wonder how they looked when they were young. Would I have been attracted to the old man sitting next to me if we were the same age way back then?
We don’t really live in a culture where we celebrate old age like other places do. They celebrate the wisdom and knowledge that comes with age. Instead, we say things like, “why is this old lady moving so slow?!”, “Man, this old guy smells of old man”, “God, I hope I never have to wear Depends”.
I get sad sometimes when I see old people. I remember being in a movie theater once--when I was in high school--and I saw an old man sitting by himself a few rows ahead of me. I started feeling really sad and wondered why he was alone. These were the scenarios: 1. he’s an old bachelor catching a flick on his own (ok) 2. he just wanted to get out of the house, probably away from his wife, and be by himself (happy) 3. his wife died and he was all alone (sad).
I don’t even remember what movie it was because I was so focused on watching him. Creepy, I know.
I can’t even imagine what I’ll be like when I get old. Will I be as bossy as I am now? Will I be mobile? Self-sufficient? Sickly? Alone? Develop an old lady smell? What’s fucked up, pretty morbid, and probably too much information for you since I’m not lying on a couch and you’re not charging me for this, is the fact that I can’t “see” that far ahead. I never could. I don’t know if this happens to anyone else but when I look into the future, I can only see up to a certain point. Then there’s nothing. So I always figured I’d die early. It’s so morbid. And wrong. That’s maybe why I’m so freaked out about turning 25. It’s approaching. You can send me the bill now…..
We don’t really live in a culture where we celebrate old age like other places do. They celebrate the wisdom and knowledge that comes with age. Instead, we say things like, “why is this old lady moving so slow?!”, “Man, this old guy smells of old man”, “God, I hope I never have to wear Depends”.
I get sad sometimes when I see old people. I remember being in a movie theater once--when I was in high school--and I saw an old man sitting by himself a few rows ahead of me. I started feeling really sad and wondered why he was alone. These were the scenarios: 1. he’s an old bachelor catching a flick on his own (ok) 2. he just wanted to get out of the house, probably away from his wife, and be by himself (happy) 3. his wife died and he was all alone (sad).
I don’t even remember what movie it was because I was so focused on watching him. Creepy, I know.
I can’t even imagine what I’ll be like when I get old. Will I be as bossy as I am now? Will I be mobile? Self-sufficient? Sickly? Alone? Develop an old lady smell? What’s fucked up, pretty morbid, and probably too much information for you since I’m not lying on a couch and you’re not charging me for this, is the fact that I can’t “see” that far ahead. I never could. I don’t know if this happens to anyone else but when I look into the future, I can only see up to a certain point. Then there’s nothing. So I always figured I’d die early. It’s so morbid. And wrong. That’s maybe why I’m so freaked out about turning 25. It’s approaching. You can send me the bill now…..
Are Guys Just Suckers?
Are guys just suckers or are girls really that much smarter than men?
I do not understand girls who make their men do things they don't normally do. Like go shopping, see chick flicks, hold purses...I also don't understand the men who let them get away with it. I went to go see Sex And The City 2 a couple weeks ago, looked around the theatre and notices a bunch of dudes. Really?! S&TC2?! Why would you ever think your man would find over 2 hours of SJP entertaining? There wasn't even any nude scenes in it. He better have gotten some AMAZING sex afterwards cuz if I were him and didn't, I'd dump your ass THAT night. My friend left her husband at home. That's why you have girl-friends. THEY are supposed to go to see the ridiculous movies with you and go shopping with you for hours.
Last weekend I was out shopping and saw a whole bunch of men following around their girlfriends throughout the store. Some were even huddled on the floor in the corner. I wanted to go around and pass them a note that said "meet me for a beer around the corner". Jesus!
I don't need someone to follow me around all the time. If I wanted a pet, I would get a puppy. I want someone who likes doing some of the same things but who also has their own life. Is that wrong of me? Are we supposed to have people do things they don't want to do just because we are a "couple"? I don't get it.
Maybe that's my problem. I don't try to mold people. I just let them be. Maybe I got it all wrong and I'm supposed to have other people do what I say, when I say it. Maybe guys do like to be told what to do and when to do it. Ugh, never mind. I cringed just writing that. I could never be one of those girls who mope and pout when they don't get their way and make their boyfriends go shopping with them and hold their bag...yuck. I do have to give those girls props though. I don't know how they get guys to do it, but they do. I also don't know how guys put up with us sometimes. Guys claim girls are crazy, and girls claim guys are assholes. Each sex has a group of momos that give the whole sex a bad rap. The sheer volume of the bad always overshadows the good which is unfortunate.
For now I'll carry my own bag and shop on my own, thank you very much. Unless you actually want to do those things....
I do not understand girls who make their men do things they don't normally do. Like go shopping, see chick flicks, hold purses...I also don't understand the men who let them get away with it. I went to go see Sex And The City 2 a couple weeks ago, looked around the theatre and notices a bunch of dudes. Really?! S&TC2?! Why would you ever think your man would find over 2 hours of SJP entertaining? There wasn't even any nude scenes in it. He better have gotten some AMAZING sex afterwards cuz if I were him and didn't, I'd dump your ass THAT night. My friend left her husband at home. That's why you have girl-friends. THEY are supposed to go to see the ridiculous movies with you and go shopping with you for hours.
Last weekend I was out shopping and saw a whole bunch of men following around their girlfriends throughout the store. Some were even huddled on the floor in the corner. I wanted to go around and pass them a note that said "meet me for a beer around the corner". Jesus!
I don't need someone to follow me around all the time. If I wanted a pet, I would get a puppy. I want someone who likes doing some of the same things but who also has their own life. Is that wrong of me? Are we supposed to have people do things they don't want to do just because we are a "couple"? I don't get it.
Maybe that's my problem. I don't try to mold people. I just let them be. Maybe I got it all wrong and I'm supposed to have other people do what I say, when I say it. Maybe guys do like to be told what to do and when to do it. Ugh, never mind. I cringed just writing that. I could never be one of those girls who mope and pout when they don't get their way and make their boyfriends go shopping with them and hold their bag...yuck. I do have to give those girls props though. I don't know how they get guys to do it, but they do. I also don't know how guys put up with us sometimes. Guys claim girls are crazy, and girls claim guys are assholes. Each sex has a group of momos that give the whole sex a bad rap. The sheer volume of the bad always overshadows the good which is unfortunate.
For now I'll carry my own bag and shop on my own, thank you very much. Unless you actually want to do those things....
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Just A City Rant...
Here's my rant of the day:
I am sick and tired of people who live in NYC who are not from here. I'm tired of these 22 year olds who come from Buttfuck,Virginia to live in the Big City. With the same breath that they say how amazing this place is, they then claim "but I would never raise my children here". Fuck you. Go back to where you came from. We're overcrowded as it is and don't need your fresh, bubbly, little ass taking jobs from those of us who actually plan on residing here for more than 3 years. Any idiot can be a bartender/waitress. Go do it back in Bumblefuck. Don't bad mouth my city. I was raised here. Which leads me to another thing--you say you're from the Bronx and people think "agh, south Bronx. They murder people. You can't walk there". Really?! Have you even seen the Bronx? There was no store opened passed 8pm in my neighborhood and only one bus that ran to the train. Which stopped at 9pm, so if you didn't have a car, you weren't going anywhere. And, you could actually see stars from my neighborhood. Shocker, I know.
Don't talk about things that you don't know of.
This leads me to those little chickadees from Buttfuck who are sooooo cool with their plaid shirts and their fedoras. Ugh!! I was wearing that shit before you were born. Partaking in the "trendy" makes me ill. It almost makes me not wanna wear plaid...too bad I look really good in it. I'm still waiting for Uggs to go out of style so I can wear them again. I cannot walk down the hallway next to the students who are wearing the exact same boot as me...
Out of towners, stay out of town.
I am sick and tired of people who live in NYC who are not from here. I'm tired of these 22 year olds who come from Buttfuck,Virginia to live in the Big City. With the same breath that they say how amazing this place is, they then claim "but I would never raise my children here". Fuck you. Go back to where you came from. We're overcrowded as it is and don't need your fresh, bubbly, little ass taking jobs from those of us who actually plan on residing here for more than 3 years. Any idiot can be a bartender/waitress. Go do it back in Bumblefuck. Don't bad mouth my city. I was raised here. Which leads me to another thing--you say you're from the Bronx and people think "agh, south Bronx. They murder people. You can't walk there". Really?! Have you even seen the Bronx? There was no store opened passed 8pm in my neighborhood and only one bus that ran to the train. Which stopped at 9pm, so if you didn't have a car, you weren't going anywhere. And, you could actually see stars from my neighborhood. Shocker, I know.
Don't talk about things that you don't know of.
This leads me to those little chickadees from Buttfuck who are sooooo cool with their plaid shirts and their fedoras. Ugh!! I was wearing that shit before you were born. Partaking in the "trendy" makes me ill. It almost makes me not wanna wear plaid...too bad I look really good in it. I'm still waiting for Uggs to go out of style so I can wear them again. I cannot walk down the hallway next to the students who are wearing the exact same boot as me...
Out of towners, stay out of town.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Read My...Body Language
If you didn't get the title, that's a line from a Kylie Minogue song--Body Language. Get acquainted.
I was watching a couple on the train platform a couple of weeks ago. Partly because he kept stealing glances my way, and partly because their body language was so obvious. They barely said two words to each other. Her arms were crossed and her right foot was in front of her, pointing to the right. He stood on her left with hand in the pocket and feet pointed straight. Obviously they weren’t on the same page. I assume they either just had a fight that day or have been on the rocks for a while. Their feet weren’t even pointed in any sort of direction their significant other occupied and she had her body closed off by the crossed arms. Even people would aren’t aware of their surroundings can know when there’s a strain in the relationship. Or, really, our bodies and our subconscious know before we realize it. Changes in little patterns of behavior—a hug (or lack of hug), a look, an underlying anger that laces every sentence you speak to someone.
I like observing people. Actions tell so much more than words ever could. We used to have roof top parties on Goldie’s roof on E.66th street. There was a big building across the street with floor to ceiling windows—a goldmine for someone like me. I used to observe people there and it was easy since no one in New York City seems too concerned about the curtain situation. I’ve never lived in a building. I don’t have experience with masses of people residing in one structure. It’s fascination. I can watch people all day. I just don't like having to hear them partake in painfully boring intercourse...
Yesterday I was looking out the window waiting for my nails to dry and I noticed one of the girls who had just left was talking to some guy out front. So I decided to watch them since I had nothing else to do. It was obvious they both liked each other. I think it’s funny what you can notice when you’re just observing and not immediately in a situation. I don't do as well when I am a part of the situation. I wish i had the power to freeze time that way I could gather my thoughts, step back and observe and then continue on. But that's neither here nor there...
They were dancing around each other--she was moving to the left, to the right of him. She smiled more. Most times their feet were pointed in the direction of the other person. That’s a big hint—your feet always point you in the right direction if you just let them. He kept lifting his shirt and touching his stomach (kind of obnoxious, but unconscious in most cases—not the man, the action :-) ). Sometimes he even lifted his arms over his head to show off his body--it's a way of opening yourself up--a mating/courting type move. He was showing off his new car (don’t ask me what kind. I have no idea other than it was white, shiny and had 2 doors). She seemed to be really interested in it—even sat inside. It was so obvious. But even then, obvious to an outsider doesn’t necessarily mean obvious to the people involved.
She jabbed him in the stomach jokingly. That was an unconscious jab like “hey, when are you actually gonna do something” not a “lets play fight” kinda jab. They talked for well over 10 minutes and it was that type of extended conversation where you’re not really talking about anything but waiting for the other to make a move. She was obviously still there waiting for him to do something. They don’t get it sometimes. Boys are oblivious. I read an article once where a man said “I tried everything. I thought I was being really obvious that I liked her but she wasn’t getting it”. It’s not that we don’t get it—girls catch on quick. We’re usually 5 steps ahead of you. That fact is that most men aren’t as obvious as they think. We don’t know if you want to just be friends or see us naked—sometimes it’s both—that’s why it’s so confusing :-p.
I can see in this case where she’s waiting for him to be more forward and he’s still wondering if she just wants to be friends. Then she gets frustrated because he never makes a move and he gets nervous because he doesn’t want to misread the signals and do something that may jeopardize their current relationship to each other.
Humans…they’re an interesting species indeed.
I was watching a couple on the train platform a couple of weeks ago. Partly because he kept stealing glances my way, and partly because their body language was so obvious. They barely said two words to each other. Her arms were crossed and her right foot was in front of her, pointing to the right. He stood on her left with hand in the pocket and feet pointed straight. Obviously they weren’t on the same page. I assume they either just had a fight that day or have been on the rocks for a while. Their feet weren’t even pointed in any sort of direction their significant other occupied and she had her body closed off by the crossed arms. Even people would aren’t aware of their surroundings can know when there’s a strain in the relationship. Or, really, our bodies and our subconscious know before we realize it. Changes in little patterns of behavior—a hug (or lack of hug), a look, an underlying anger that laces every sentence you speak to someone.
I like observing people. Actions tell so much more than words ever could. We used to have roof top parties on Goldie’s roof on E.66th street. There was a big building across the street with floor to ceiling windows—a goldmine for someone like me. I used to observe people there and it was easy since no one in New York City seems too concerned about the curtain situation. I’ve never lived in a building. I don’t have experience with masses of people residing in one structure. It’s fascination. I can watch people all day. I just don't like having to hear them partake in painfully boring intercourse...
Yesterday I was looking out the window waiting for my nails to dry and I noticed one of the girls who had just left was talking to some guy out front. So I decided to watch them since I had nothing else to do. It was obvious they both liked each other. I think it’s funny what you can notice when you’re just observing and not immediately in a situation. I don't do as well when I am a part of the situation. I wish i had the power to freeze time that way I could gather my thoughts, step back and observe and then continue on. But that's neither here nor there...
They were dancing around each other--she was moving to the left, to the right of him. She smiled more. Most times their feet were pointed in the direction of the other person. That’s a big hint—your feet always point you in the right direction if you just let them. He kept lifting his shirt and touching his stomach (kind of obnoxious, but unconscious in most cases—not the man, the action :-) ). Sometimes he even lifted his arms over his head to show off his body--it's a way of opening yourself up--a mating/courting type move. He was showing off his new car (don’t ask me what kind. I have no idea other than it was white, shiny and had 2 doors). She seemed to be really interested in it—even sat inside. It was so obvious. But even then, obvious to an outsider doesn’t necessarily mean obvious to the people involved.
She jabbed him in the stomach jokingly. That was an unconscious jab like “hey, when are you actually gonna do something” not a “lets play fight” kinda jab. They talked for well over 10 minutes and it was that type of extended conversation where you’re not really talking about anything but waiting for the other to make a move. She was obviously still there waiting for him to do something. They don’t get it sometimes. Boys are oblivious. I read an article once where a man said “I tried everything. I thought I was being really obvious that I liked her but she wasn’t getting it”. It’s not that we don’t get it—girls catch on quick. We’re usually 5 steps ahead of you. That fact is that most men aren’t as obvious as they think. We don’t know if you want to just be friends or see us naked—sometimes it’s both—that’s why it’s so confusing :-p.
I can see in this case where she’s waiting for him to be more forward and he’s still wondering if she just wants to be friends. Then she gets frustrated because he never makes a move and he gets nervous because he doesn’t want to misread the signals and do something that may jeopardize their current relationship to each other.
Humans…they’re an interesting species indeed.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Agh! Here We Go Again!
My neighbors had sex last night again. I only know this because I was tossing and turning until 1:30am. Two nights in a row. Must be an anniversary or a birthday or something. Round two--as horrible as the last. The bed moved a bit more than usual but that was it.
That's a horrible way to live.
I can't wait to move!!! Less than 2 months!!!!
That's a horrible way to live.
I can't wait to move!!! Less than 2 months!!!!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Only Thing That's Getting Any Action Is The Bed
I heard my neighbors having sex last night. That's only the second time in 6 months. That's better for them though--they most definitely should not have another baby. The first time it happened was back in March. I only knew they were doing it cuz the bed was moving. I was excited for them. I thought, "here we go! Some action! This must be the make up sex after all the fighting". One would think it would be mind blowing since all they do is fight. I've never been more disappointed in my life. Not a sound. Except for the moving of the bed. I've had dirty thoughts that were louder than that catastrophe. I figured maybe the first time was a fluke--a bad night. Nope, round two was even worse. Why do it at all? Actually, they would probably be louder if each of them were flying solo. I may anonymously suggest it to them via their mailbox.
I can't figure out why they're together. All they do is fight---funny enough it's usually on Saturday and Sunday mornings between 7:45 and 8:30am--the only days I get to sleep in. They scream at each other and I hear everything. I hate it. I hate waking up to yelling. Once, it was so bad she threatened to leave. I wished she would. For every one's sake. They fought on Valentine's Day. I was trying to sleep through that day. Didn't work out as planned. I sometimes want to go up there and counsel them. Tell them to end it finally.
I don't understand why people stay together if they can't get along. It's not a matter of merely disagreeing on things but it usually is a lack of respect. They both yell at each other but never actually listen to what the other is saying. I never want to be in that situation. Some people are just drawn to the drama, I guess.
The cats in the alley have more sex than my whole building combined. That's sad.
I can't figure out why they're together. All they do is fight---funny enough it's usually on Saturday and Sunday mornings between 7:45 and 8:30am--the only days I get to sleep in. They scream at each other and I hear everything. I hate it. I hate waking up to yelling. Once, it was so bad she threatened to leave. I wished she would. For every one's sake. They fought on Valentine's Day. I was trying to sleep through that day. Didn't work out as planned. I sometimes want to go up there and counsel them. Tell them to end it finally.
I don't understand why people stay together if they can't get along. It's not a matter of merely disagreeing on things but it usually is a lack of respect. They both yell at each other but never actually listen to what the other is saying. I never want to be in that situation. Some people are just drawn to the drama, I guess.
The cats in the alley have more sex than my whole building combined. That's sad.
Some Things Don't Change
My quote in my high school year book said:
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.
Andre Gide originally said that. I believed that in June 2003 and I still believe it in June 2010.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.
Andre Gide originally said that. I believed that in June 2003 and I still believe it in June 2010.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Everyone Just Needs To Simmer Down
So, the big news of the day was Jim Joyce. No, not the writer cuz god forbid we talk about things like that...I'm talking about the first base umpire of last nights Detroit Tigers game. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about (most people reading this blog) apparently the umpire said one player was safe when in fact he was not. This call cost pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game. This mistake outraged not only Detroit fans but people I am friends with who have no affiliation with Detroit. There were even FB status posts about it. One even stated to call the MLB office to get Galarraga his perfect game. Really?!
What's this all about, "the umpire should be fired", bullcrap?! Haven't you ever fucked up at work? What number can I call to get you fired....from life? Maybe, MLB needs to start employing the use of instant replay during games to avoid realizing this shit after it happens. Or, they can just suck it up and take things like they're called. The man apologized. He feels terrible. Shits flying around out there, it's hot, there are bugs flying, uncouth troglodytes spitting tobacco juice all over the place and drunken idiots screaming in the stands...people should just be glad someone wants to work in those conditions.
Baseball fans, you need to simmer down. Seriously. Last time I checked MLB does not have you on their payroll.
In other news of the day, a woman is suing Citibank who fired her for being "too sexy". Her lawsuit claims that she was told that "as a result of the shape of her figure, such clothes were purportedly 'too distracting' for her male colleagues and supervisors to bear". REALLY?!?! I would like to meet these blokes who were waaaayyy too distracted by her beauty to perform their given tasks. I would also like to meet the men who complained about this distraction. Now, she IS a rather attractive lady but I never knew females had such an affect on men. I should really be careful now especially when I wear my 'lady clothes'. On second thought, you have to murder someone in order to be fired from the board of education, so I think I'm just gonna keep distracting until then......
What's this all about, "the umpire should be fired", bullcrap?! Haven't you ever fucked up at work? What number can I call to get you fired....from life? Maybe, MLB needs to start employing the use of instant replay during games to avoid realizing this shit after it happens. Or, they can just suck it up and take things like they're called. The man apologized. He feels terrible. Shits flying around out there, it's hot, there are bugs flying, uncouth troglodytes spitting tobacco juice all over the place and drunken idiots screaming in the stands...people should just be glad someone wants to work in those conditions.
Baseball fans, you need to simmer down. Seriously. Last time I checked MLB does not have you on their payroll.
In other news of the day, a woman is suing Citibank who fired her for being "too sexy". Her lawsuit claims that she was told that "as a result of the shape of her figure, such clothes were purportedly 'too distracting' for her male colleagues and supervisors to bear". REALLY?!?! I would like to meet these blokes who were waaaayyy too distracted by her beauty to perform their given tasks. I would also like to meet the men who complained about this distraction. Now, she IS a rather attractive lady but I never knew females had such an affect on men. I should really be careful now especially when I wear my 'lady clothes'. On second thought, you have to murder someone in order to be fired from the board of education, so I think I'm just gonna keep distracting until then......
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Fly That Freak Flag, Girl!
I was talking to my friend recently and the topic of conversation went down the sexual route (have you met me? Duh. Obviously, we went there.) and he was telling me about a girl he knows who likes to get choked during sex. She also likes when men hit her in the face. Open handed and hard. She laughs.
Now, we all have our hidden (sometimes not secret) sexual fantasies. It’s ok to fly the freak flag every once in a while, but what makes a person want to get beat up? What sort of high are we searching for? Is it actually feeling the pain that is appealing or the act of being hurt? Some people need to experience pain in order to feel. High pain tolerance, or high tolerance for anything really, makes us go to the extreme. We want more because we can endure more. We can handle it. Endorphins kick in, it’s exciting, there’s a rush but then you crash. That high eventually goes away. It’s the same for alcohol and drugs. Even for tattoos. When I got the fairies on my back, I did want them eventually but I needed it at the moment. I thought about it everyday for weeks. I had this anxious feeling within me and needed to release it. I wanted to feel the pain—to feel something. Five weeks after that I got the tattoo on my neck because: 1. I’m easily influenced (thanks, Eleni!) and 2. I needed/wanted to feel something again and 3. once I get an idea in my head, I fixate on it (this was in my head from before the fairy tattoo).
When that happens you have to look at it subjectively and ask yourself, what can’t you properly feel, why can’t you properly feel it and what are you trying to replace with the pain?
We don’t need these things but we want them. Because it makes us feel something. But once that feeling goes away we are left back where we started...at the beginning.
Now, we all have our hidden (sometimes not secret) sexual fantasies. It’s ok to fly the freak flag every once in a while, but what makes a person want to get beat up? What sort of high are we searching for? Is it actually feeling the pain that is appealing or the act of being hurt? Some people need to experience pain in order to feel. High pain tolerance, or high tolerance for anything really, makes us go to the extreme. We want more because we can endure more. We can handle it. Endorphins kick in, it’s exciting, there’s a rush but then you crash. That high eventually goes away. It’s the same for alcohol and drugs. Even for tattoos. When I got the fairies on my back, I did want them eventually but I needed it at the moment. I thought about it everyday for weeks. I had this anxious feeling within me and needed to release it. I wanted to feel the pain—to feel something. Five weeks after that I got the tattoo on my neck because: 1. I’m easily influenced (thanks, Eleni!) and 2. I needed/wanted to feel something again and 3. once I get an idea in my head, I fixate on it (this was in my head from before the fairy tattoo).
When that happens you have to look at it subjectively and ask yourself, what can’t you properly feel, why can’t you properly feel it and what are you trying to replace with the pain?
We don’t need these things but we want them. Because it makes us feel something. But once that feeling goes away we are left back where we started...at the beginning.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I Don't Mind Being A Fool In The Rain
I woke up singing Led Zeppelin's Fool In The Rain. That tells me two things: 1. I'm nearing the end of my Zeppelin phase and 2. it's gonna rain today.
I was waiting all day. I thought it was supposed to rain this morning then they said during the afternoon. My desk faces the window and at around 2:40pm I started seeing lightning. I was so excited. At 3:05pm it started pouring. I watched from the window and hoped it would continue until 4pm when I get out of the building and would be able to walk home and get soaked like all those lucky people I was watching. It stopped 10 minutes later. Talk about disappointment.
As I was watching the rain I started thinking about how many songs have the word 'rain' in them. Lots. Here's some I can think of:
Fool In The Rain- Zeppelin
Purple Rain- Prince
November Rain- Pink Floyd
I'm Only Happy When It Rains- Garbage (also my theme song)
Have You Ever Seen The Rain- CCR
Who'll Stop The Rain- CCR
Rain- The Beatles
After The Rain Has Fallen- Sting
Of course, that's just the tip of the iceberg. And, they all happen to be amazing songs. Those are just with 'rain' in the title. There are probably a few million songs that mention the rain in the actual lyrics.
I don't know what it is about the rain that is so thought-provoking. I think of the rain as sad but calm. It's comforting. I don't like that sissy rain though. If you're gonna rain, then rain hard or don't do it at all.
There was one time when I was young, I went to the backyard and sat on the long red bench under the tree while it was raining. Just because. It was nice. All you hear is the rain. Maybe a bird or two, but mostly it's silent because all the noisy people went indoors to escape it. They're the real fools...they don't know what they're missing.
I was waiting all day. I thought it was supposed to rain this morning then they said during the afternoon. My desk faces the window and at around 2:40pm I started seeing lightning. I was so excited. At 3:05pm it started pouring. I watched from the window and hoped it would continue until 4pm when I get out of the building and would be able to walk home and get soaked like all those lucky people I was watching. It stopped 10 minutes later. Talk about disappointment.
As I was watching the rain I started thinking about how many songs have the word 'rain' in them. Lots. Here's some I can think of:
Fool In The Rain- Zeppelin
Purple Rain- Prince
November Rain- Pink Floyd
I'm Only Happy When It Rains- Garbage (also my theme song)
Have You Ever Seen The Rain- CCR
Who'll Stop The Rain- CCR
Rain- The Beatles
After The Rain Has Fallen- Sting
Of course, that's just the tip of the iceberg. And, they all happen to be amazing songs. Those are just with 'rain' in the title. There are probably a few million songs that mention the rain in the actual lyrics.
I don't know what it is about the rain that is so thought-provoking. I think of the rain as sad but calm. It's comforting. I don't like that sissy rain though. If you're gonna rain, then rain hard or don't do it at all.
There was one time when I was young, I went to the backyard and sat on the long red bench under the tree while it was raining. Just because. It was nice. All you hear is the rain. Maybe a bird or two, but mostly it's silent because all the noisy people went indoors to escape it. They're the real fools...they don't know what they're missing.
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