Fly That Freak Flag, Girl!

I was talking to my friend recently and the topic of conversation went down the sexual route (have you met me? Duh. Obviously, we went there.) and he was telling me about a girl he knows who likes to get choked during sex. She also likes when men hit her in the face. Open handed and hard. She laughs.

Now, we all have our hidden (sometimes not secret) sexual fantasies. It’s ok to fly the freak flag every once in a while, but what makes a person want to get beat up? What sort of high are we searching for? Is it actually feeling the pain that is appealing or the act of being hurt? Some people need to experience pain in order to feel. High pain tolerance, or high tolerance for anything really, makes us go to the extreme. We want more because we can endure more. We can handle it. Endorphins kick in, it’s exciting, there’s a rush but then you crash. That high eventually goes away. It’s the same for alcohol and drugs. Even for tattoos. When I got the fairies on my back, I did want them eventually but I needed it at the moment. I thought about it everyday for weeks. I had this anxious feeling within me and needed to release it. I wanted to feel the pain—to feel something. Five weeks after that I got the tattoo on my neck because: 1. I’m easily influenced (thanks, Eleni!) and 2. I needed/wanted to feel something again and 3. once I get an idea in my head, I fixate on it (this was in my head from before the fairy tattoo).

When that happens you have to look at it subjectively and ask yourself, what can’t you properly feel, why can’t you properly feel it and what are you trying to replace with the pain?

We don’t need these things but we want them. Because it makes us feel something. But once that feeling goes away we are left back where we started...at the beginning.