The 'Who Can Care Less' Generation

I recently read an article in which the author claimed this generations’ interpersonal relationships had become a game of ‘who can care less’. I read her article twice and paused at that sentence and thought of several personal situations where that was true. Thinking back I could notice that that had happened, but when it actually occurred it was a natural reaction. This frightened me that I had no idea it was happening and that trying to appear uninvolved and unaffected by something or someone was so second nature. It’s understandable, as a self-preservation measure to guard us against being hurt, but it’s become so part of our nature now and we do it just to keep up with the norm around us.

The author started the article regarding college dating, but then how we act in those early years sort of continues throughout our twenties and, for some people, into their thirties. The author pointed out an instance in her life where a boy she liked in college asked her if she was going to a party being thrown and that they would meet up. She got excited but didn’t want to show it, and did what we all do---act super chill and aloof. But then he didn’t text her and she didn’t know if she would go to the party so she ended up staying home. When she ran into him, she casually mentioned it (because you don’t want to seem like you really care, right?) and he kind of shrugged it off and said that he thought they were just meeting there making it seem like they got their wires crossed. Now, maybe he wasn’t interested and this was a way for him to blow her off nicely, maybe he just wanted to go with his friends and assumed they were just going to pass each other while there, or maybe he legitimately didn’t think she was looking forward to going to the party with him because…she was so aloof about the whole thing! I’m fascinated by peoples’ behaviors and choices and actions (both voluntary and involuntary) and there’s always room for misinterpretation at any given time, but now we have to ‘fake’ everything (including how we act and what we feel) so there’s so much more misinterpretation than ever--because no one is actually expressing what or how they feel! It’s all a big lie and we have to waste time breaking down all the scenarios it could be, and even then, sometimes it’s nothing we think it could be. It’s all very exhausting.

Everyone is afraid of being hurt emotionally—some more than others—but we close ourselves off to feeling anything by making it a competition of ‘who can care less’. We can’t get too excited or too mad or too sad. In the courting phase of a relationship, you’re not supposed to get too excited when you see the other person’s name light up on your phone or be too available for them (even if you ARE home in your pajamas watching The Bachelor). And, god forbid you utter those three deadly words too early...I . Love. ...um, never mind! Because when you get someone who actually strays from the now norm, you panic and call your friend raving “isn’t this too soon!? Why am I meeting his family!? Does he want to get married?! What’s happening?! This is scary, I’m gonna run away now”.

So, to save us all the panic and public humiliation (in case we’re wrong about what we think we’ve read into), we play it cool. Like when your lovely relationship finally implodes, it’s best to see ‘who can care less’. “I’m not bothered”. “NO, I’M not bothered”. And we’re both fine…right?--Except we’re in our respective corners downing a bottle of Jack or binge watching The Notebook. A few episodes ago, New Girl solidified this phenomenon when Jess and Nick broke up---they played the ‘who can care less’ game. And they realized it in the end and decided to just be honest about how they were feeling. Which is so much better, but so damn scary. We have to be even keeled, emotionless robots all the time. But if everyone isn’t saying or showing how they really feel, then do we actually know anything? We’re all just existing. It’s weird when you stop and think about it. If what we’re doing isn’t truthful then that leads to more hurt feelings and misinterpretations. It’s a stupid cycle. Of course, I’m talking about when two people actually care because there’s always the instances where one person is a selfish, self-involved brat who is unaffected by the whole ordeal. In that case, they shouldn’t have been in a relationship in the first place, affecting other people, but unfortunately, not everyone in this society is capable of caring about other people’s feeling and, sadly, this is a frequent occurrence (one that could be documented at length in a separate blog post).

You always hear older people saying that once you get older you stop caring what other people think. When you’re 80 years old, you figure you’ve survived THAT long so, fuck it “your hat is stupid and you need to lose 20 pounds”, and you can say things like that because you have nothing to lose. In your thirties you look back on yourself in your 20’s and say, “Gurl, you were so dumb sometimes! Look at all those opportunities you missed because you were too scared to say or do something”. I’m starting to get that. When you have to go through some strong hurts that shatter your world (or so you think) and then you survive, you start realizing that you’re stronger than you thought and you begin to be able to open yourself up and become a little more vulnerable. Because if you survived the last one, you can survive this one.


HERE'S THE LINK THE TO THE ARTICLE IF YOU WANT TO TAKE A GANDER. QUITE INTERESTING FOR A COSMO PIECE:
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/college-dating-screwed-up