Are You My Mommy?

I've always wanted to have kids; mainly boys because, I don't know if you know, but girls are kind of dramatic. I do expect that the Fates that Be will play another joke on me (as they've been doing all my life) and bless me with ALL girls. I'm ready for that. I also realize that I am not ready in the slightest for kids right now!

As you approach thirty, there's always pressure as a woman to start having kids because biology tells us that our precious eggs have an expiry date and that our boobs are not getting any higher and our face isn't getting any smoother. And even if we don't have family nagging us with the incessant and intrusive "when are you gonna have kids and get married?!", there's always that unspoken pressure to compare ourselves to everyone else. This especially occurs when all your friends start disappearing because they're dealing with flower arrangements and Yo Gabba Gabba and it's hard to not feel left behind.

Having to deal with a child 5 days a week for the last 7 months has made me realize that I'm ok with not having kids any time soon! As cute as they are and as much as I love snuggling with a freshly washed baby wrapped in a towel, I'm ok not having someone else dictate when I wake up, when I can go out, and taking hours off of my sleepy time. I don't care about homework (which any parent will tell you is torturous), or scheduling play dates ( I had to make small talk with a parent as she crushed up and drank a bunch of pills for her "back pain". I don't think Valium and Percocet are supposed to go together but I'm no doctor...), or making nice with other parents when I think their child is a undisciplined monster. I don't care about what TV show you want to watch or have to console someone else after a tantrum because, honestly, I'm not done having my own tantrums.

You've all heard before how I'm a believer that everything happens for a reason. This family found me when I was at my wits end after my rent went up, and I couldn't find another better paying job, and I could barely afford to buy myself a slice of pizza, but I also think that I needed them to help calm that little nagging voice that popped up in my head every once in a while when I felt I wasn't where I should be compared to all my other friends.

I sometimes find myself at 7:30pm, on my way home from the kid, sniffing people on the crowded train. Why you ask? Because they have the faint smell of a dank bar and alcohol on their breath---the way one smells after a successful after work happy hour. I used to smell like that, I used to smile on the train too. I can't wait to smell like that again soon.